Now Is All I want

Chapter 8

Maeve's Pov:

I'm quite at dinner, my dad doesn't say anything considering the fact that I don't usually talk, neither of us do.

It's how it's always been, our relationship, 'Hey how was your day?' 'Good, yours?' 'Fine.'

Nothing much comes after that, my dad and I are alike in so many ways, not like me and my mom, if I don't tell her every single detail of what I do that day she'll yell at me and tell me I'm being disrespectful.

It's just how it is, you get used to it after it becomes your whole life.

I tried to kill myself last year and she kept talking about how it made her feel, how it affected her, she kept going on and on about how she failed me as a mother, and so from my very own hospital bed, I ended up comforting my mother.

My stepfather could give less of two shits if I had actually died that night.

After dinner, my dad goes straight to bed since he had a long day and so I finish cleaning the kitchen before heading to my room.

After doing some homework I put in my earphones so I can listen to some music.

As I search through my bag for my phone, I notice that Reid's phone is in my bag, he must have left it and I accidentally picked it up.

I'll just give it back to him the next time I see him.

I pull the covers over my face and focus on the ceiling for as long as I can somewhere along the process, I'm not sure when but Reid's phone seems to be a burning image at the back of my mind, and no sooner than later Reid is in my mind.

I wonder if he's eaten.

If he's asleep right now.

If he's ok.

Of course, he's not ok, his dad hits him.

You don't know that.

It's pretty obvious.

I toss and I turn for almost an hour, images of Reid bruised and battered enter my mind until I can't take it anymore, I get up and put on a hoodie and some shorts.

You know and you're not doing anything Mae.

You are an awful person.

I run out of my room and sneak past the living room until I'm standing on our porch.

I run and run up until I find myself on the road with his house.

Collapsing onto the dirt I clasp my hands together to stop them from shaking.

That funny feeling in my chest won't go away, that guilt.

Instead of doing the right thing, which would be to wait until seeing him next to get his phone.

I walk up to his front porch.

The fuck am I doing here?

Walk away and go home, it's after midnight, he might be sleeping.

If you don't make sure he's ok, you will regret it.

I walk to the back of the house until I find the window, I know is his, there's a dim light coming from it.

I grab a rock and throw it at the windowsill not wanting to break the glass.

After doing it a couple more times when he finally opens the window.

My eyes travel over him, his semi-curly brown hair is messy, and I can see the outline of his collar bones as he leans over his window, he may have lost muscle since last year, but holy hell did, he still has, I can see a tattoo peak out from his chest. He has a tattoo.

Stop.

I focus on his face, not that it helps knowing he isn't wearing a shirt.

"The fuck are you doing here at midnight Willy?"

I roll my eyes at the annoyance in his voice, I mean I would be too. "I missed you too much to stay away," I say with only a hint of sarcasm.

His lips press into a thin line, and I see the blush on his cheeks.

"You left your phone at whole foods dumbass."

"And you had to give this to me no why?"

"I wasn't sure if you might need it."

His Adams apples bob as he chuckles deeply, god that sound.

He closes the window and just when I think he believes I'm crazy, I might be, I hear the front door open and just then does he walk up to me by the side of the house.

I see that he has put a shirt on and my first thought is a mixture between 'thank god' and 'damn it.

"You're fucking insane Willy."

"I know." His lips turn up slightly and just then does it hit me I've never seen him smile, he's grinned before or tipped his lips, but I have never seen him smile.

I pull his phone out of my pocket and hand it to him.

"Thanks."

"Yah no problem."

I try to stop myself, but my lips move to their own accord and before I can stop, I've already spoken. "Are you ok?"

A flicker of something passes through his eyes and I recognize it more than he probably realizes. Loneliness.

"I'm fine Willy."

I look away from him and face the road "No you're not."

"Doesn't matter."

We stand there in silence both staring at the road until he opens his mouth.

"Do you want to do something?"

"Like?"

"I don't know, I just can't fucking stand here anymore."

I laugh humorlessly. My mind going straight to the lake.  "I know the place then."

We start walking, or rather I start walking and he follows me.

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing, I can't bring him to the lake.

That's the one place that's mine, it has been mine for years, I can't bring him there, what am I thinking. This asshole whom I've spent my entire high school experience hating, suddenly I'm about to show them the one place that makes me feel free.

Then that fucking voice pops into my head.

Maybe he needs it more than you.

And then I just stop thinking and keep walking.