Life Itself [Tubbo-Centric]

7

The laughing from Tubbo's room had ceased for a while now, making Wilbur feeling a bit suspicious. He announced to the others that he was going to go check up on the three, and left towards their room. Wilbur didn't know what he was expecting to see as he cracked open the door, but the three boys asleep on top of each other with tangled limbs wasn't one of them. He stifled a laugh and pulled out his phone, snapping a quick photo and sending it to their group chat before walking over the three. He pulled out the blanket stuck underneath them and threw it over the three.

"Goodnight, guys," He whispered before sliding out the door, returning back to Lani, Niki, and Jack. "Did you see the photo I sent to the group chat?" Wilbur asked.

"No, I didn't. Let me look here..." Niki said, taking her phone out from her pocket. "Aww! That's so sweet!"

"What is it? I wanna see!" Lani said, looking over Niki's shoulder to get a good look at her phone. "Ewww Public Displays of Affection! Disgusting!"

"It's not gross!" Niki laughed and nudged Lani, who was making fake gagging noises.

"Yes it is," Jack said with a smirk on his face.

"See, Manifold agrees with me!" Lani said happily. She flops down next to Niki, laying her head against the older woman, yawning.

"Tired?" Niki asked. Lani nodded. "Yeah, I'm starting to get a bit tired too. We should set up our bed."

"And by bed you mean a bunch of blankets and pillows laid on the floor," Jack said.

"Yup. Exactly," Niki replied. "Come on, help me spread this blanket out." The four of them all set up their 'bed' on the floor while Tubbo's parents retreated to the guest bedroom. They decided to watch another movie before going to sleep, and continuously had to hold back bursts of laughter so as to not wake up the others in the apartment.
Lani fell asleep first, laying next to Niki on the end of their 'bed'. She wasn't used to staying up late like the other three had been, since she wasn't a streamer. The other three shut off the TV a while later in an attempt to get some sleep to be able to wake up before noon tomorrow.

___

Tubbo stirred awake to sunbeams in his eyes, finding himself trapped in between Tommy and Ranboo.

"Morning, Bee Boy," He heard, and turned to face Tommy.

"G'morning," Tubbo said back, yawning. He stretched as much as he could under Tommy's and Ranboo's limbs.

"How do you feel?" Tommy asked. There was a sense of shyness to his voice; a vulnerability that he usually hid under layers of cockiness and humorous confidence. He was usually loud, but now he was quiet; gentle. He looked more raw than Tubbo had ever seen, even when Tommy first saw him in the hospital.

"I feel," Tubbo paused for a moment. "I don't know. I think I feel fine," he said. Tommy hummed and nodded. His crystal blue eyes were bright in the reflection of the sunbeams from the window. They continued to lay facing each other in a few moments of silence, the only sound being birds chirping outside and their soft breaths.

"I love you, Tubs," Tommy said. His voice was raw with emotion.

"I love you too," Tubbo replied. He fell asleep again after that, waking up again a few hours later after a calm, dreamles rest. He reawoke to the sound of Tommy and Ranboo whispering softly, with Tommy still laying on his side and Ranboo's arm still slung over their waists. His chest was pressed against Tubbo's back.

"Morning," Tubbo yawned, feeling cozy under the puffy blankets and Ranboo's bony arm.

"Good morning once again, Bee Boy," Tommy said with a laugh. The sunbeams pooling from the window looked different now. "Finally."

"You could have woken me up, you know," Tubbo replied defensively. His voice sounded gravelly from just waking up.

"Nah, you needed it," Tommy said. There was a shift in his voice, though barely noticeable; it was softer. "Plus," he added. "Ranboo just woke up too anyway." It was a bit of an overstatement; Ranboo had been awake for almost half an hour now, just chatting quietly with Tommy, who had been scrolling mindlessly through Tik Tok without volume.

"Ok," Tubbo said. He didn't want to get up, but he knew he had to eventually. He couldn't just sleep all day anymore. He would disappoint them. The three of them got out of bed a few minutes later, and walked down the hall to the living room together. Lani, Wilbur, Niki, and Jack were all playing Mario Kart on the Wii while his parents made brunch. Tubbo felt sick. He didn't know why but he felt sick.

He was fine last night. He ate dinner with his friends and family and it was fine. He ate at the hospital and it was fine. So why now? He wanted to shut the blinds and crawl back into bed and shut everything out.

"Breakfast's ready!" His father called out. Everyone got up and joined around the table, knees touching. It was a tight fit having nine people sitting at a six person table, but it worked. Everyone was eating and laughing and enjoying themselves, telling tons of stories and jokes. Tubbo couldn't ruin it. He wouldn't. He picked at his food as he tried his best to smile and laugh along, but he just felt nauseous. His stomach was churning and he felt weird today, like there was a hole in his chest. But he wouldn't ruin it. Tubbo excused himself a few minutes later, hurrying down to the hallway and to the bathroom. He turned on the bathroom fan before he got down on his knees by the toilet, rolling up his sleeves and hovering over the bowl. He wouldn't ruin everything. Tubbo bent over closer and threw up, his chest heaving and bile burning his throat.

"Tubbo. Open the door," He heard from the other side of the bathroom door. It was stern.

They hate me. I ruined everything. I always ruin everything. They don't love me.

"Tubbo, come on man." It was the same voice. He leaned back away from the toilet bowl. His breathing was rattly and his face felt hot and his eyes were blurry.

They're angry.

The knob rattled for a few seconds before the door was pushed open. Wilbur stood there for a second with a key in hand before springing into action.

"Tubbo, Tubbo, breathe," He said, kneeling down next to Tubbo, who was breathing erratically and holding his arms against his chest, which were shaking. The scars looked so jagged in the bright, fluorescent light of the bathroom.

"I can't-" Tubbo cried, choking on his own rapid breathing. "I can't breathe-"

"You can, you can breathe Tubbo," Wilbur assured. "Just follow my breaths, ok? Breathe in for 4 seconds... hold for 4... breath out for 4... hold for 4..." He continued. He held Tubbo close to him, trying to calm him down. He repeated the breathing exercise a few more times before Tubbo was calmer, resting his head against Wilbur's chest.

"I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Tubs."

"But I ruined e-everything. You hate me."

"I don't hate you Tubbo. None of us do. And you don't ruin everything, ok? We love you. So much," Wilbur replied, stern but soft. Tubbo nodded. He didn't know what to say.

".....I don't want to feel icky anymore." He said after a long while of silence, still cuddled up against Wilbur.

"I know, Tubs. It'll take time, but things will get better, yeah? Things will get better, and we'll be here for you. All of us."