Nothing But Thieves {Fransykes}

30: Oliver

It's been a long day, and Oliver is exhausted. Despite his exhaustion, there is far too much adrenaline coursing through his veins for him to fall asleep or even lie down and get any rest. He has been like this before; intense situations leaving him full of adrenaline until he inevitably crashes and sleeps for at least ten hours. He is nowhere near crashing at the moment, even though he kind of wishes that he was so that he could get some rest. The bath helped somewhat, but now that he is out of the warm water he is back to feeling wired and restless, but fragile at the same time.

"You should sleep, love." Josh sounds concerned in a way that is really very sweet, and Oliver can't deny that he loves to be called 'love'.

Oli is pacing around the living while Josh sits on the couch. If not for Josh's leg bouncing uncontrollably, he would seem unaffected by the day's events. That little movement though is a give-away that he has as much pent up energy and adrenaline as Oliver does, he just expresses it differently.

"Can't." Oliver replies simply, continuing to pace, "Too much fuckin' adrenaline." His hands are shaking and his mind is running a mile a minute, not giving him the space to catch his breath, let alone sleep.

"I know the feeling." Josh replies, his knee continuing to bounce up and down rapidly without pause. "You need to put your adrenaline to use, do some push ups or something."

Oliver glares at him, not really angry so much as frustrated with the situation he finds himself in. "That's not enough, you know that's not enough. I want to- I want to be involved in Elissa's batshit plan but I know I'm a liability." He didn't intend to call himself a liability, the word had just slipped out. "I mean, I know I can't be trusted and my involvement put everyone at risk-"

"Oli." Josh stands up and holds out his arms for a hug, "Baby, I promise you that you're not a liability. You're not putting any of us at risk."

Biting his trembling lower lip to restrain the flood of tears threatening to spill, Oliver melts into Josh's embrace. He wishes that he could believe what his boyfriend is telling him, but he can't seem to convince himself of it. He blames himself for relapsing, worried that he could put the others in danger is he slips up. It's silly, he knows it is, because he would never think this about anyone other than himself, be he is thinking it nonetheless.

Josh can't read minds- at least, Oliver doesn't think that he can- but he comes pretty damn close sometimes. "You're not a bad person for using drugs." Josh murmurs, his arms tightening around his lover.

Years of internalized stigma are the cause of the next words that Oli speaks. "Everyone knows you can't trust a junkie." He feels the moment when Josh processes his words, the stiffening of his shoulders and the sharp intake of breath. He feels guilty for saying something that would upset Josh, even if he is upset on Oliver's behalf.

Josh pulls back and holds his boyfriend firmly by the shoulders. "That's not true, love. Who told you that?"

"My mum." Oliver stares down at the floor, not all too keen on continuing this topic of conversation. "I don't wanna talk about this." Just the memory of that conversation makes him want to break down sobbing, but he can't keep the moment from flooding his mind.

Oliver is twenty years old, sitting in the car next to his mum. She is ranting about Oli's cousin, who is addicted to heroin.

"You can't trust junkies. They'll lie and steal because they love the idea of their next fix more than they love other people." She says, hate and disgust lacing every word that comes out of her mouth. "Never trust a junkie, Oliver, remember that. They're dirty."

Oliver thinks about the little bag of coke in his pocket and tries not to cry, suddenly craving the high so much more. She'll never understand, he realizes, never see that people who use drugs are still human beings who need love and support. He can never tell her- not without losing one of the few people that he has left. And he can't afford to lose her.

"Oliver." It is clearly not the first time that Josh has said his boyfriend's name, his tone full of love and concern, "Are you with me, baby? I need you here with me, okay?" He rubs Oliver's shoulders gently, pressing light kisses to his cheeks and nose. 

Oli sniffles back tears, immensely grateful for Josh's presence and unwavering support. "I'm here." He mumbles, leaning against Josh and closing his eyes, feeling the odd sensation of his wet eyelashes touching the area below his eyes, "I was just remembering." Oliver knows that his voice makes clear how little he wants to remember that moment in his life, but he can hardly be blamed for that. That level of rejection from someone he loves, even in an indirect way, tore at his heart in a manner that he doesn't think will ever fully heal. Not the end of the world, not every wound heals perfectly, but this particular one has a way of reopening when the situation arises.

"You don't have to think about that memory anymore, love." Josh replies, stroking Oliver's hair, "I'm gonna fix us some dinner, we can watch a shitty horror movie and cudddle up together on the couch. Sound good?"

God, Oliver's heart could just liquidate into a puddle then and there. How did he get so lucky as to end up with a man who treats him so well, shows him so much love? Especially in the midst of such chaos. He smiles, the tears on his face beginning to dry in the warmth of the affection shared between him and Josh.

"I love you so fucking much." Oli says softly, resting his forehead against Josh's. He doesn't know how the other man does it, but he manages to make Oliver feel safe and loved even when it seems impossible to feel that way.

Josh laughs, "I love you so much too, sweetheart. You gonna help me cook dinner?"

It might sound strange, but just like that the two of them have slipped back into being domestic and casually affectionate. Several instances that night are beautiful in their simplicity, their loving meaning. Oliver holds Josh from behind while Josh prepares dinner on the stovetop. Josh holds the spoon to Oli's lips to taste-test the sauce. They curl up together on the couch and hide their faces in each other's shoulders at the scary parts of the movie. All of it feels so normal, so mundane, but so so right.

And despite it all, despite everything, Oliver truly believes that these are moments that he will never forget. After, he is with Josh. What else matters? Yes, somewhere Elissa is putting an unnecessarily dangerous plan into place and yes, there is a price on their heads and yes, they almost died a few hours prior. But that feels secondary, especially as they drift off to sleep tangled together in the bedsheets. In that moment, the only thing that seems to be important is the way Oli can hear Josh's heartbeat, his breathing slowing and evening out while he falls asleep.

"I love you." Josh whispers sleepily, cuddling closer to Oliver and sighing contently, closing his eyes.

Oliver smiles and kisses Josh's forehead, "I love you too." He replies, his body relaxing as he is finally able to get some sleep.

Everything is perfect, except for the phone long forgotten on the couch buzzing with missed texts and phone calls from Elissa. But of course, Josh and Oliver have no way of knowing about that.

~

the next chapter will be elissa's pov to cover what's going on with her plan and all that!

sorry for the lack of updates, I have end of semester assignments and shit is pretty hectic

remember to create and destroy as you see fit

-Samira