The ability to control my emotions and put on a facade of indifference is what I have grown to be the best at in my thirteen years of living. The world is a beautiful place, filled with cruel beings. They don't understand that words hurt. Words hold more power of shattering a person's heart than actions ever would. My mother often asks me why I like keeping to myself and dread human interaction. She has the audacity to ask me such questions when she herself makes me a target of insults in her conversations. Ranging from comments on how I look ugly with the blemishes on my skin, to comparing me to all the girls my age that they know of, how the latter are better than me in all fields.
Your cousin aced all her exams! Look how she got top marks! Then there's you.
You remember Margaret, right? The girl you met at the wedding of your cousin a month ago. She is always helping her mum in the kitchen, unlike you.
Come on, wash your face with this! You have got to get rid of those pimples, they ruin your face.
Don't make such faces at the camera, honey. Your face looks ugly as it is.
I expected full marks in the exam, 90% is equivalent to nothing. I am so disappointed in you.
I wonder what sin I did in life to have you as my daughter.
If my mum, the people who is supposed to cherish me the most in the world, is like this, then how does she expect me to talk to strangers, who will most certainly turn out to be even harsher?
Thus why I cage myself from the world. My room is my safe place, nobody is here within these four walls to compare me and insult me and torment me. In here, it's just me. The person who loves me the most, probably the only person who truly loves me. The only thing I hate in here is the mirror. It is a constant reminder of how ugly I look. Other than that, I wouldn't change a thing about it.
Today was not like every other day. Today, I finally broke. My facade broke, in front of everybody. My family was in a discussion regarding our new neighbours, how they were supposedly very wealthy and had numerous properties. I was not interested in the conversation one bit, every now and then forcing out a laugh at some joke they cracked. After a while, silence fell, my family having discussed every thing possible about the new neighbours. But of course, my mother dearest hated silence. She had to talk about something all the time. Thus why she made the comment,
"When we do visit the neighbours, make sure you cover your face somehow, Sky. We don't wanna scare them away now, yeah?"
Laughter erupted from everybody in the dining room as those words left her mouth, as usual.They all looked at me, expecting me to laugh with them like I always did. I tried to force out a laugh, but instead a sob came through my mouth. My vision turned a bit blurry as I felt tears dwell up in my eyes. How long before I finally break in front of all of them, I used to think every day to myself. The dreaded time had come at last.
"Sky, dear-"
I hurriedly rose from the chair and bolted upstairs, locking the door of my room from inside. Breathing heavily, I cried. I cried all the tears that had been waiting to be released for too long now.My vision was blurry, my head was throbbing. I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror, tears were falling down my cheeks like waterfalls. My face was red, my eyes puffy. The image of my ugly face in the mirror made me cry and scream all the more, I wanted it to disappear from my vision, I couldn't stand looking at how ugly I looked anymore. Grasping a poker in my hand, I lunged it at the mirror which broke into a hundred pieces on the impact. I heard someone frantically knocking on the door, but I did not care in the moment as an idea struck me: picking up a shard of the broken mirror, I pulled the sleeve of the shirt covering my right arm upwards, revealing bare skin. I had never harmed myself, but at that very moment, it seemed right. I wanted to punish myself: punish myself for being fat and ugly, punish myself for not reaching up to my parents' countless expectations, punish myself for not being good enough.
