Actually, I Haven't Been Doing Well Lately

8

TW: self harm, negative thinking, mentions of starvation, slight smut? But not really.

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Everything went downhill from the date. Thankfully they had masks so people couldn't recognize them - only taking them off to eat. After the date they got together with everyone at the dorms, told them what had happened - since they came home earlier than the members had expected - and got comfortable to watch a Disney movie (Han was begging for it, and he said it should lighten the mood)

Halfway through the movie, Chan excused himself to the bathroom. He couldn't keep his mind off of the events that happened today. First it started out with vlive, then the email, twitter tweets, and now this. He started to question what he had done within the past few weeks; what he had done to deserve this. Maybe he just deserved for no reason or because he was just...alive?

He locked the door once he got inside and glared at the reflection in the mirror. The reflection that was a mess up, a failure, a loser, the reflection that is ugly, unworthy, fat, the reflection that is Bang Chan. He wanted to cry, he wanted to cry so badly but if he did it would prove he was weak. It would prove he was weak to himself and also the members; prove that they were right. When he saw himself in the mirror he only saw a failure. Sure he admitted he didn't love himself but that was only a little bit, yet now, he hated himself. He despised the body he had. Maybe if he lost some weight they would like him more? He was a foodie, but he would- no he should- be able to give that up for stay, for Stray Kids.

Why don't you try to spill some blood, see how it feels.

"What the fu-"

Just do it. It'll feel good.

Chan couldn't control his hands as they went over to the razor. He took out a blade and lined it up with his wrist. Just before the blade could even graze his skin, a knock on the door startled him out of his daze.

"Chan? Are you in there? You've been gone for quite a while, and Minho started to get worried. Are you feeling ok?" It was Jeongin, how sweet.

"I'm fine! Almost done anyways. Tell Minho I'm ok," Chan said. Jeongin gave back a small "ok" before leaving the door. Slice. It stung, but it was a good sting, like he deserved it. Slice. Slice Slice. Three new cuts were painted on his wrist. Blood splattered on the sink. Chan decided to end it there, for any longer and Minho would break down the door.

He rinsed the cuts with cold water, cleaning up the blood that splattered on the sink at well, before applying bandages to his wrist. He pulled his hoodie sleeve down, covering the bandages perfectly. No one would suspect a thing. Chan checked the bathroom looking to see if anything looked misplaced, which nothing did. Everything was back in the right place, and looked untouched. At least you can do one thing right. Chan felt his wrist (the newly cut one) get pulled to the side. He hissed as he was pinned to the wall. A pair of lips fell upon his own. He kissed back, knowing that scent of Febreze anywhere. The kiss wasn't lustful, it was sweet, soft, caring.

Something Chan didn't think he was worthy of having. Minho broke the kiss first, leaning down to Chan's neck, peppering light kisses under his ear. "Mmm, Min, baby what's wrong?" Chan said as he leaned his head to the side, giving his boyfriend an easier opening to his neck.

"You. What took you so long, I was getting lonely back there," Minho muttered. Now he was biting the flesh, leaving red love marks just above Chan's collarbone. He smirked when he heard
Chan moan his name. "Oh well, that doesn't matter, now that you're done, let's go,"

Minho sat back in his spot and pulled Chan into his lap. Chan went red and the rest of the members cooed at their leader and how red he was. Man was this going to be a long night.