Actually, I Haven't Been Doing Well Lately

17

this one's a long one...
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Chan can't remember the last time he had a proper meal. The comments made about his eating habits made him want to stop eating all together; but if he did, he would collapse during practice one day and that would cause some explaining.

Now he's decideing where to go for lunch with Jisung and Changbin. A break from the studio would do all three of them some good.

"What are you in the mood for Channie?" asked Jisung. "Chinese, Korean, Indian, American, Mexi-"

"I'm not so hungry, thanks" Chan lied. However his stomach betrayed him, growling loud and proud making him blush in embarrassment.

Changbin frowned. "You can't keep lying Chan. You're getting unhealthily skinny and-"

"Isn't that a good thing though, Binnie?" Chan interrupted. "If I'm skinny, people will like me, right? Right?" It broke both Changbin and Jisung to see their best friend corrupted by the hands of hate. People shouldn't be liked for their outer beauty, but for what they hold within. However the world can never be perfect, and neither can Chan.

"Chan, your body doesn't define who you are, its your personality. You're already loved by so many people, why should you have to change for someone else?" Jisung said.

"Jisung's right Chan. You shouldn't have to worry about what others say. The only words you would need to fret are those of your family, and that's us! including your blood family but still,"

Chan nodded. Maybe Changbin and Jisung are right. My family's opinion really matters, not anyone else.

"Now what was decided for lunch? American?" Han said. Changbin nodded, though it wasn't what he mentioned earlier. "And will you eat with us this time Channie?"

Chan got up from his seat, took Jisung's hands, and dragged him out of the studio, Changbin following along. "If we don't leave now then I'll die of starvation, and I'm too young to die, no?" He joked.

"Well, you're too young for the world, but to me you're an o-"

"It was a rhetorical question!"

That was the first proper meal Chan had in a  while.
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Chan has been self concious about his scars. He doesn't want to resolve to cutting, but it was the only option with immediate result. He regretted it every time though, and the scars haunted him everytime he saw them.

He was staring at the scars scattered across his thighs and forearms. He felt dissapointed with himself, painting forever lasting scars on his body with no thought, only to regret it later was the worst. He screamed when the door creaked open. Chan quickly scrambled to wear the oversized hoodie before the person could see him. His ugly scars.

"Ah, Minho, Felix, Seungmin, uhh, what brings you here?" Chan fumbled, hiding his legs under the hoodie.

"Uhhh, It's our room too?" Said Seungmin. "What were you doing? You seem, perturbed,"

"Oh no, no I was just, umm, reading?" He said, making it sound more like a question rather than a statement.

"Really Chan? Where's your book?" Felix said. Fuck, I don't have a book.

"Uhhh, I hid it," Chan bit his tongue. How  dense can I get! Great job Chan, great job. He backed up against the headboard in hopes the world would suck him up and throw him into another dimension. Minho crept closer and Chan knew he was doomed. However screwed he may be, he wants to see how long it would take before he'd spill, for personal reasons.