out of exile {adam yauch/mca/beastie boys}

2. patience

It was later on and I was at my house, I had wanted to shower and grab some things before the show tonight. Adrock told us to meet him at his place before heading out, he called it a "Group Sleepover" as if we were 11 again.
I had just gotten out of the shower and after getting dressed I was packing my essentials and clothes to leave at Adrock's before the show.
I was digging through my closet, looking for a specific sweatshirt I wanted.
I was then suddenly picked up, I screeched for a second before being flopped onto my bed and recognizing who it was.
"Adam you asshole, you scared the absolute shit out of me."I laughed, hitting him on the arm.
He was laughing, "It was too good of an opportunity to not do it."
"Ever heard of knocking?"I laughed.
He shrugged, "Didn't think it was necessary."
I rolled my eyes, sitting up, "What if I was naked? I just got out of shower like 10 minutes ago." I said, getting up and making my way back to my closet to finally have found the sweatshirt I was looking for.
"That would've been fine."He said.
I looked at him, he was leant back staring at the posters around my room as if what he said didn't mean anything. I immediately felt my cheeks heat up, I shook my head and grabbed the sweatshirt and put it in my bag.
"Is it just gonna be Mike and Adam at his place?"I asked, changing the subject.
"Not sure, before the show yes. After the show, I don't know."He said, causing me to let out a small laugh.
I zipped up my bag, placing it on my bed. I took notice that Adam also had a backpack on, with what I was assuming was his things.
"Where's your bass?"I asked, noticing he didn't have it with him.
"It's already at Adam's from practice last night."He said, looking to me.
I nodded, picking up the deodorant off my nightstand and putting it in a pocket of my bag.
"So, you gonna tell me what's up?"He said, causing me to look up.
I had forgotten, clearly he hadn't.
I sighed, "It's just family stuff." I said, placing my bag on the floor beside my nightstand.
I could tell he had his eyes on me, he was waiting for me to continue but didn't wanna push it. That was one thing I appreciated.
"My Dad's makin a lot of stuff hard on us right now, ever since he got with his new girlfriend everything's changed and now my Mom's strugglin to pay for things and my Dad's not bein much of a Dad right now. He's actin like he's in his 20's again, I haven't talked to him in 2 months and he hasn't been making any sort of payments for the court ordered child support. I know me bein here with my Mom is just financially difficult, she was talkin about movin in with her sister up in New Hampshire until she got back on her feet. I just don't know how to feel, I don't wanna leave here before senior year ends, that's pointless but I can't afford anythin myself right now. I'm just stressed and annoyed."I rambled, letting out a deep sigh.
Adam moved closer to me, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me to him.
"Your Mom's a tough motherfucker, she'll figure it out. She loves ya, and that's the most important thing. Money can't buy love. But you don't have to worry, you've got me."He said.
I laughed lightly, "You're right, she's a tough motherfucker. But, I can tell basic necessities are tough for her right now. She's trying so hard to hide it, and I know she wants to move back to New Hampshire with her family. I think she's at a crossroads between myself and the shit with my Dad. I just feel useless.."I said, feeling myself choke up.
I sighed, "Dammit not again, I'm sorry Adam." I said, wiping my tears as I could feel them falling.
He pulled my hands down, moving to in front of my face, "Don't ever be sorry for crying. It's a natural human emotion, and don't you ever think you're useless."
"Well I don't have a job, I can't even help my Mom, she's trying so hard just to keep it together I wish I could just move out so she could go be happy. It's what she deserves. I'm just a bum 18 year old living with their Mom and causin trouble for her, she doesn't deserve it of me being a worthless failure."I said, feeling my tears fall onto my hands.
Adam grabbed my hands, squeezing them tightly,
"Jamie, don't you ever say you're a worthless failure. You're so fuckin talented I envy the shit you do and admire you for it, ever since we were kids you showed me so much new and eye-openin shit I would've never thought to do before. You introduced me to Mike back in second grade, you encouraged me to do music, you mean so much to us. You especially mean so much to me. Don't ever say anything negative about yourself like that again, alright? You're also a tough motherfucker, you're my best friend, and you mean the world to me."Adam said, I could hear himself getting choked up.
"Fuck, Adam, you're gonna make me cry even more now."I laughed, still feeling tears fall as I put my head down.
"Don't be ashamed to cry. I'm crying and I don't give a fuck, my best friend's hurt and I hate to see her like this."He said, I looked up and could see his tears falling. That only triggered me even more, I looked away.
"I didn't mean to make you cry, Adam. I'm sorry."I said, trying to wipe my tears.
He moved my head to face him, "Don't apologize Jamie, I love you and care about you."
I felt my chest flutter with butterflies, I immediately pulled him into a big huge which he instantly returned. A whiff of his cologne and cigarettes off his jacket tingled my nose, it was such a familiar smell that calmed me down.
"You're too good for me."I said softly as I held onto him tightly, keeping my eyes shut.
"I'm just doing what a friend should do."He said, I didn't think he heard me.
He pulled away, cupping his hands on my face.
"I'll always be here for you, don't ever forget that."He said, wiping away my stray tears with his thumb.
I nodded, giving a small smile.
He then pulled me in for another hug again, which I happily accepted.
I let out a relaxed sigh, feeling much better.
Talking with Adam always calmed me down, it was something about him and his aura and energy. He could instantly put me at ease.
I pulled away, I could feel a bit of a linger from Adam, but I decided to ignore it.
"Alright, enough sappy shit let's go we'll be late to Adam's."I said, standing up as I slung my bag against my back.
He laughed, standing up, "Feel better I see?"
I nodded, "Yeah, thank you. I needed it."
"Anytime." He smiled.
We then made our way out of my room and down my stairs, my Mom was working an overnight shift but knew where I'd be. Even if she didn't she could easily make the assumption I was with Adam.
I locked the door behind me as we went outside,
the cool September breeze swept by and relaxed my tenseness.
Adam and I then began our walk to the bus station where we would take it to Adrock's, my tenseness relaxing I felt it was a good night to get some drinks in me. And that's what I knew was also in the boys' minds.