I'm gay for bucky Barnes

getting shot: and all the complications

[ The what if... what if au because the 2-second scene where steve has a cane has filed this entire thing

tw disassociation, hydra, natzis, kidnapping, blood, gae, your in for a wild ride buddy ]

Getting shot was probably not one of the things, Steve Rogers had expected after signing up for project rebirth. Neither was Margret 'Peggy' taking his role as the super-soldier after the pre-mentioned shooting.

But both happened and he could do nothing about it.

"I'm sorry there's nothing we can do, it was too critical of a hit, even with Starks money and brains, I really am sorry," were the first words out of Peggy's mouth after he woke up on an every so slightly bloodstained hospital bed in one of the hospitals Steve knew he and Bucky couldn't afford.

Luckily for him, the cost of the hospital was already paid for, apparently one of the blokes who was gonna make him a supersoldier in the first place.

No the last thing he was expecting from project rebirth was the fracture in his lower back and hip bone, paralyzing one of his legs and making the other one nearly immobile. "Luckily" for him, all vital organs were fine save a minor concussion and a bruised rib, so he was alive, just now more incompetent than ever.

Of course, he was happy for Peggy, she if anyone deserved it. To see her finally be heard and seen for the amazing person she was amazing and gave him hope.

Most of that hope was destroyed the second he realized he was too short in his wheelchair to see the counters in Howard's workshop.

Some days were better some days were worse, his scoliosis hadn't exactly gotten better after being shot so the pains up his legs and back were sometimes so bad, Peggy had to come to help him out of bed, sometimes he could walk somewhat fine with a cane.

And still just a skinny kid from Brooklyn now just 100 times worse, he couldn't even dance.

The hydra stomper made things better, he could control its legs using his hands, and he could walk without a cane and without a pathetic limp every step he took. Yet no one would bat him an eye as soon as the limp was back.

Bucky also made things better, he could stand with his arms wrapped tightly around Steve, holding him when he wanted to feel even a sliver of independence when his body couldn't give that to him. He made sleepless nights writhing in pain just a bit less horrible. He was a breeze on a hot summer day, the relief that felt like your only hope of staying alive.

Then that stupid fucking train exploded and Steve was now alone in a small cell or being tortured for information, of course, he never said anything, but that didn't stop them from breaking bones, the only reason he was still alive was that he was the only one small enough to fit in the hydra stomper. On the days he refused to move out of his corner because everything just hurt too much for him to think about the consequences of his actions. 

Maybe Bucky would be surprised at how obedient he was to the people who kidnapped him, maybe there were some Natzi drugs involved, maybe he just gave up when even sitting made him dangerously dizzy. Maybe he just gave up.

He was nearly dead by the time Bucky found him. Beaten, dirty nearly starved to death, shaking with bone-chilling shivers, wounds from weeks ago infected and red, with his ice-blue eyes red and glossy with fear-induced dissociation and fever, he had dark circles that could beat Bucky's after working a hard week at the docks back home, still laying on the floor in chains after hydras latest attempt at figuring the hydra stomper out.

And there were hands on his skin again, hands that didn't want to hurt him, hands that carefully removed the chains that weren't even secured properly, and held him close, big ruffed up hands, prone to paper cuts and with veins that remind Steve of the men from his childhood. Bucky holds him close even though Peggy and Howard are watching, he holds him because he can and because if Steve is too worn out to protest, he desperately needs it.

Peggy holds him to not as much, but sometimes when Bucky has to do something, but Steve has a panic attack at the idea of leaving the only safety he can still wrap his arms around and hold close, in a way where they can't run away from him. not that both Peggy and bucky both could easily beat the life out of him even if he had the energy and motivation to fight back. But they were close human and gentle, and they made it ok.

Eventually, things turned back to normal, as normal as things can be with a war going on, and when one of your people is a Supersoldier, and your other person was a bloke, It was certainly strange but it worked, behind locked doors with no one around it worked, Peggy learned of the quiet kisses shared in their small apartment back in Brooklyn and Bucky learned that Steve might have a thing for brunettes who keep him out of too much trouble.

Everything wasn't okay, but not everything was terrible, so maybe things would work out some sunny day. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[ 881 words]

posting this 15:13 Swedish time

Remember you are real don't forget to eat something if you haven't and drink some water ❤🧡💛💚💙💜(if you're reading this on a computer the back heart is supposed to be red IDK why it won't work) your valid you deserve to eat and survive.

You are real.

thanks to @Dogsaresofties for being my friend and for editing this chapter <3

// Uttiirvin