I'm gay for bucky Barnes

2. I am slowly losing my mind

or alternative title: 

Mostly a lot of lists

Steve goes to the doctor and bucky figures out just how shit the medical field was back in the days. ft, I'm not that kind of doctor.

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"Hey buddy it's ok the doctor isn't trying to hurt you he just wants to help" Bucky was now sitting on a hospital bed down in the med bay with Bruice on the other side of the room preparing for some tests and s physical whilst bucky was trying to convince Steve that it was ok to cry (because well someone needs to reparent this kid) whilst also trying to calm him down so that Bruice could to the procedure without a panic attack. softly patting his hair as he cried.

"your ok buddy it's ok Stevie, you're ok baby,"

"so do you want me to leave for a bit and let you guys have a moment or should we just get it over with?"

"no best to just get it over with he's hatted doctors forever no getting over it now,"

"all right I got it lets start,"

"you got it doc,"

"ok so I'm going to start easy we need his weight and height so you think you can stand over here," he directed the words to steve whilst pointing at a measuring tape stuck to the wall, trying to get him to cooperate.

steve just remained still head stuck firmly in Bucky's neck, so he stood up with the baby still in his arms and walked over. but when he sat steve down on the floor he just wined for a few seconds before he swayed and his legs gave out and he started sobbing now on the floor.

"aw baby it's ok, it's ok" he picked him back of and gave Bruice an apologetic look he just waved them of.

"ok, we can maybe do that some other day maybe we can just let him sit on the scale it should be enough,"

that did work out as long as bucky kept a hand on the baby and kept up a constant stream of reassurances for as long as steve was sitting on the scale.

93.8 ibs, not great.

ok ill need to do some blood work and a normal physical with one do you think is good to start with?" he once again talk to steve. who did not reply." you think you can hold up a finger one or two" this time steve looked up at him his brows furrowed a little, with expressive eyes staring at him. "alright let's do the blood tests first,"

Bruice got the needles ready as bucky got steve off the scale and onto his lap in a chair, he also rolled up the blond's sleave so that they could but the needle where it needed to go.

Most of the check-up went fine since steve was so young he just let everything happen to him, the asthma testing was hard as he didn't quite understand what he was doing wrong at first. They took his blood and blood pressure and listened to his heart and lungs, dr banner also looked at his spine, joints, did a few x rays, tested his sight and vision, and did some allergy tests.

In the end, he had asthma, scoliosis, eds, anemia, IBS, +3 on both eyes, almost fully deaf in the left ear, and a list of allergies and arrhythmia some things would need further testing but those were the ones for now. (this is not how the diagnosis process of most of these diagnoses would go so keep that in mind and if I'm writing about medical problems it's usually because i or a close friend have them but of course, not everything will be accurate so do correct me if you find any mistakes)

" can I just ask back in the days I know he used to have some similar diagnoses back in the days so  what kind of treatments were he on back then if you remember?"

"Well there were these cigarettes for asthma, had a few for bad days and nights, and some pain meds that got him loopy as hell, don't remember exactly what those were"

" if I had to make an educated guess, heroin or cocaine"

" what?!" That stirred the almost sleep by now baby. " aw I'm sorry baby I didn't mean to wake you, you can go back to sleep." And steve promptly did just that. "the hell are you on about?"

"back in the 20s and 30s, it was pretty common to treat chronic pain with different forms of drugs"

" are you serious?" he looked at the doctor with a look of horror in his eyes.  

"yes, unfortunately, medicine was not as advanced back in the days so a lot of treatments have been discontinued as time went on and we learned more,"

"Good god," he felt a little disappointed, in himself how could he let that happen to his friend he had already realized the cigarettes were bad almost as soon as he remembered his own name any person with a  brain today would realize that letting an asthmatic person smoke is a bad idea but all the other things.  not to mention all the shitty people, the ones who told steve he was worthless the dust under some sofa. 

the way people stop caring once they know you are not an easy fix, all the girls  who left dubble dates once steve couldn't do something. the way it tricks you into thinking you're the problem. but you keep walking every time you keep walking on legs that pain you and lungs that don't work. it breaks you over and over and over your left a shell of anxiety and depression leaving no space for the sun or the wind. and most people have a helping hand in that in life but the ones without a helping hand are the ones that die on the streets or in alleyways because some prick decided they were to discussing to let live. 

that's why he never left because sure steve was amazing he was smart and capable and strong he was an artist and he was so lovable even when he couldn't see that. but anyone with a brain could see that Peggy, Howard, Erkenstine, the Howlies, and now these new people stark jr and his holagans. no, the reason he never left was that steve needed a hand he needed to not be strong all of the fucking time not always have to be the bigger person. 

all that help he never gets bucky had to be that otherwise he would fall apart and every other person on earth would call it a tragic accident as if they could not have prevented it. 

"it's alright there should be no permanent damage done nad I think the serum might actually have helped with some liver and lung damage, for example. you're ok," maybe he wasn't shit after all. 

"you hear that buddy baba hasn't fucked shit up after all," he whispered to the blood as he slept on bucky's chest. 

"ill send any meds to your apartment, and maybe we could make an appointment for when he's a bit bigger for further testing, sound good?"

"Yeah, that's ok,"

he would be ok now his boy would be ok now if not perfect then at least ok. for now, any problems could wait now they both were just in need of a nap. 

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[ 1246 words]

quicker than I thought I would get this out, oh well this one also sucks so well see

any way here u go

Posting this 23:46 Swedish time

Remember you are real don't forget to eat something if you haven't and drink some water ❤🧡💛💚💙💜(if you're reading this on a computer the hearts are supposed to be a rainbow IDK why it won't work) your valid you deserve to eat and survive.

You are real.

// Uttiirvin