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Fourteen

Chapter Fourteen

The flimsy clothes the hospital gave me flap around my body. As we walk out of the police station, my mom goes to place her hand on my lower back. I jump forward and turn around, backing away with my arms wrapped around myself. The baggy clothes sway in the wind and my mom sighs, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"I'm sorry, Honey—" She cuts herself off. "Maeve, wait!"

I don't exactly remember when the idea came to me but I ran. Stumbling slightly, my shoes tumble off of my feet and I glance behind me, pumping my legs faster and faster until they become tingly and numb.

A sob escapes my chest and my lungs burn as the moon glares down on me, my hair whipping wildly around me. Somehow, I end up at the beach, tripping down the dune and sliding across the sand. Tears roll frantically down my cheeks as I trample to my knees, my hands digging into the gritty sand.

"Fuck!" I scream, ducking my head down and shaking as panic swarms over me.

My forehead presses against the sand and my messy hair falls over my shoulders, dipping into the grain. I try to get air into my lungs—only short, quick breaths forming in the end—and pummel the side of my fist into the ground as I try to catch my bearings.

I cannot seem to find a single fuck in the world when the tide washes up, grasping my knees and tugging. The sand disappears beneath me, poking only my knees and fists as the reminisce of salt taints my tongue. Tears stream down my face as I fall onto my side, a scream vibrating out of my throat.

"No . . ." I cry into my sand soaked arm. "No, no, no . . ."

I manage to look to my left, the bluff of rocks suddenly silent, water calm around it, seeming like a safe haven that I can't seem to muster up the energy to reach.

Miah and I's haven.

My lungs rattle as I sit back up and roll my eyes up to the moon. I sigh, the breath coming out shuddered and shaky. I see headlights flash in my vision and laugh, shaking my head and falling on my back in the sand, letting the water grasp my toes.

"Maeve?" I hear my mother shout, the car door slamming. "Maeve, Honey, please."

"N-No." I stutter, managing to stand up and turn around, stumbling back as she walks down the dune towards me. "No."

She stops, exhaustion swarming over her face. "We have to go home . . ."

"I—" I stop, sobs bubbling in my chest again. "I want Jessie. I-I want—I—" My hand presses against my chest as I try not to throw up.

"Jessie is at home." Her voice is soft but strained. "Do you want me to have her on the phone on the way home?"

"Yes." I whisper, watching as she pulls out her phone, seeing as the police took mine in for fingerprints, messages, and some of the photos Landon took tonight. "Please."

She holds the phone to her ear as I walk closer to her, slowly climbing up the sand dune. I walk to the car, climbing in the back seat, not wanting to sit near the front end of the car.

"Here, Baby." Mom hands me the phone and I sit silently as I bring it to my ear.

Bringing my hand to my mouth, I gnaw on my fingernails, tears scorching my eyes as Jessie speaks to me. "Hey, Sugar." Her voice is soft. "You doin' okay?"

"Fuck, no." I spit out, sniffling and wiping my nose. "Is Kit still asleep? I hope I didn't wake her—"

"Fuck off." I pull the phone away from my ear and glare at the screen. "Put the damn phone back to your ear."

The fact that I can hear her from that distance even when the phone is not on speaker—this fucking bitch. I sigh, my eyes rolling into the back of my head as I scoot deeper into my seat, my head leaning against the cool window.

"Kit woke up—" Her voice speeds up as if she's already expecting me to try and cut her off. "But, it was just because she said she felt something was off and she couldn't sleep, alright?"

I tuck my knees up onto the seat, a sigh of relief rolling out of my mouth when my mom pulls in the driveway. Immediately, I hang up and run into the house, running towards Jessie, who sits on the couch.

"Jessie." I stop before I reach her, my shoulders slumped.

She brushes a strand of Kit's hair out of her eyes and looks up at me. "Come on."

She knows not to hug me. I want a hug but I won't accept it. I want to be held but I won't accept that either.

I didn't want to be raped, but the world didn't accept that.

Ever so slowly, Jessie rests Kit's head on the couch and walks ahead of me, knowing I probably wouldn't like the idea of someone behind me. Lurking. My feet press against the soft carpet as I walk up the steps, turning towards the bathroom.

"I'll be there in a minute." I murmur to Jessie before walking into the bathroom.

Locking the door behind me, I immediately strip. My clothes go in the trash can and I step into the shower before the water has a chance to heat up. Hot tears burn my eyes with blinding panic as I grab whatever soaps I have, scrubbing my body with all the strength I have left. My hands shake as I fumble around, trying to rid my body of him. His touch, his looks, his everything.

In the end, I am the only person to blame. I went on that date with him. I let him kiss me. I led him on. I—I—I.

Fuck.