It Leads to Your Heart. [NOT EDITED]

8

Stupid Stupid Stupid Dior. You should have known better. It was right in front of your eyes your idiot.

Leaning against the closed door room, I cannot help but recall her face from earlier. How did I not see it before? She is in love with him!

Burring my face in my hands, I can't help the shame that crawls up in me. they were good people to me, ones of the very few that I have managed to keep and call friends for the past couple of months being around here. And like the idiot I am, I screwed it up.

"Ohh gosh I hate myself." I groan into my hands in frustration.

"Don't we all." Her weak hoarse voice startles me as it rings in the quietness of the room. Lifting my hands rom my face, my eyes settle on her.

She looks nothing of the mother that I once knew as a kid. The vibrant, loving and full of laughter woman that my child self do remember is not remotely close to the one I am now looking at.

She looks... haggard.

An empty, bitter, callous and dare I say vengeful shell of a woman. The hate that she carries for those Balan is beyond anything I have seen. But not only those does she carry hate for, I have come to realize that she carries the most hate towards herself. Then yours truly comes second.

Nonetheless, a mother would always be a mother. Can't be replaced, ignored or hated. She wasn't always like this, and my faith in her to show me a glimpse of that mother that I was blessed enough to witness but miss and long for is still there, strong and willing. For I could endure it all for her, the unconditional love that a mother carries in her heart towards her child is worth to wait for. I am sure it still there. I know that when she sobers up from all those damn drugs she has consumed, she would be better and things would change. I believe it will.

"Mother." I sit back on the same chair that withstood me for the past hours.

She scoffs, put it then turns into a harsh fit of coughs. Frantic, I grab the water bottle on the side table, unscrew it and gentle guide it to her mouth.

After a few gulps she pushes my hands that carries the bottle away from her mouth uttering the last cough before she sighs in relief settling back into the bed comfortably.

"What are you doing here girl?" she asks after a minute or two of utter silence.

I know she has forbidden me numerous times from coming here. As per her saying, she wants to be left alone to die in peace.

Opening my mouth to utter words. They all halt in my brain. Then lush back in like a hurricane.

My father, the Balan, the marriage. What do I tell her?

"Uhmm. M-mother." I can't seem to push more words out to my mouth. And that seems to rile her fragile self even more.

"You useless girl. Get out!" With the energy left in her, she growls with pure disgust lines falling on her face. "Pathetic! Cannot even pull two words together."

It pangs. Her words were like bullets going through my chest. I school my face from scrunching in pain and bit hard on my lip. Trying to squeeze myself smaller into the chair as I stick my back to the back of the chair, trying to distance myself from her.

"I- I am sorry. But-" I try again but she huffs loudly, cutting me off. Shooing me with the back of her hand. "Stop it, just stop with that tramp of yours. How many times have I told you not to show me your face in here." Her words are nothing but being whisper yelled in fury. Her anger is so much that she inclines her back up from the matters in great effort of intimidating me, with the little energy that is left in her, the small veins on the side of her forehead prodded.