Zayn's Gone

March 25th

This is the day everyone's heart broke a little...

Normally I write stories.. But I really need to just get my thoughts out on paper. I don't mind if no one reads it. KCxx

At first when I was told, I thought, there's no way. 

Today my heart is breaking, Realization and denial set in at the same time and it's like nothing else is moving. I went on Twitter, YouTube, Tumblr... Everyone is talking about it, crying about it... Wishing time could turn back, The thing is, even if time turned back, that's not the factor that cause our boy to leave.

He was hurt... breaking. I'm glad he left before it destroyed him.

Perrie and Zayn were finally married though. One of the few good things that came out of this. All of the boys have so much to put up with. But everything is happening at once. Louis broke up with El... That hurts me. El is the first girlfriend we accepted, didn't hate, we grew up with her for the past 5 years just like we did with the boys... How do you think she feels? It must suck, your relationship being broadcast every where. Did we ever think maybe that's why Niall has stayed single, or kept his relationships hidden? Maybe it's the medias fault that Harry can't keep a famous girlfriend so he's becoming the mysterious one.

Media.

One of the most powerful sources. They build people up just so they can tear them down. Zayn could've been happy. But he wasn't. He was stressing and freaking out, He couldn't go anywhere alone or without being judged and having all of his actions twisted around by people who get paid to hurt those like our boys.

Some suggestive pictures of him with some chick came out... And did we believe it? No.. But the media is a scary entity. It lies and it cheats people out of trust and freedom. That's why he took a break. He needed Perrie.

Who knew he wouldn't come back..

It hurts us a lot. I know. I'm right there with all of you, this sucks. In the last 18 hours of this happening, 107 people took their own lives. Can you believe that? A few months back a girl thanked Harry in her suicide note. We are all real humans. We hurt and we break down and sometimes we feel like we can't control anything that is going on. The boys, they're just like us. They're real people with honestly sincere feelings! 

But those got hidden the second people began holding them on a pedestal. And that is worst of all. Once they got in the pubic eye, anyone is trying to tear them down. Zayn had to leave before it destroyed him... but what about our other boys? We've all been supportive of each other... But God knows they're breaking. 

We lost an idol, role model, friend, companion, and savior...

They lost a brother.

As hard as that is to hear, it's true. No one was closer to Zayn than the boys. They were all swept away from home at a prime time in their lives and they only had each other. They were clingy to one another. As many interviews or press junkets that we watch, the only people who know what the boys are going through are the other boys.

There will forever be a hole there.

It's funny how whole and hole sound the same but are complete opposites. And how one man, one strong, funny, considerate, quiet man can make a whole world go from one to the other by making one announcement.

Keep in mind. This was his decision. A 10 million euro costing decision. They made him pay to try and be happy again. Money can't buy happiness, we all learned this at a young age, but Zayn is shining light on the fact that if you know how to spend it and what you truly need, money can buy you out of misery

Management. What a sick excuse for doing what is in all the boys best interests. They were thrown into this tour, obviously not ready. They need real breaks. Even on their tour 'breaks' we know they still have to work. Recording, writing, flying here and there, signing contracts doing this and that. It needs to stop. We need to give our four boys a real, true break before all of One Direction totally collapses.

For me, just like many of you out there, these boys, these teenagers on the stairs, to the bright young men at MSG, they changed my life and have helped me through so much. Remember that one fan, one of our kind, in the film This Is Us.. She said, "I know they love me. Even though they don't know me.. I know"

This rings loud and true. And I can't lose them. We can't lose them. This world isn't ready for that. We're not done.

Not done swooning at Harry's dimples. Laughing at Louis randomness, fainting at Liam in a wet suit, trying to do Niall's accent... Or dying with Zayn's high notes.. We're not done eating carrots or bananas... Loving batman or power rangers.. And we're absolutely not done cherishing the snowflake. From the beginning to the end... We're here for our boys, just like they are for us.

But this can't be the end. Not yet.. Please? Simon said it was us, the fans, who made it our mission to make One Direction so big, can't it be us who saves them? Saves them from the media, from the lies and the rumours.. They deserve better for the boys who saved thousands.

Zayn is part of them. He is One Direction. There's not a One Direction without him... Niall... Liam... Harry... or Louis

There's not a One Direction without us.

This Is US

This is all of us, together, fighting for what we believe in and for the people we care about. Zayn said... This isn't the last of One Direction.

Let's make him stick true to his word.. Protect him from management and media and anyone else who tried hurting our boys. We all need to bring out the Paul Higgins in us and treat them as our own and save our family.