Severus Snape - Refuge

Chapter 1 Finding Refuge

This is meant as a sequel to A Soul Undiminished. I'm sorry if it is taking a while for me to get back into it.

Finding Refuge

Guilt. It was perhaps Severus's most dreaded of emotions. First, it meant that something undesirable had happened, and second, that he had played a role in its doing. Now, he felt it in spades as he looked at Sirana.

He knew she wouldn't want him to feel any remorse, and yet, he couldn't keep it from entering his thoughts that he had somehow had a hand in what had transpired that terrible night. He reached for her face and stroked the soft skin of her cheek. Her normally cream-colored skin was waxen-white, and he could see the bluish branches of veins underneath her almost translucent skin.

Severus reached for her mind, as he had every day since he first met her, trying to find the gossamer thread that bound them together, only to find a brittle remnant of their once unbreakable bond. But it was not gone. He treasured it still, and gently caressed it with his mind as a reminder that all hope was not lost. As long as her lifeblood flowed, he would not even let the thought of losing her enter his mind.

Severus heard shouting and what sounded like a scuffle outside the door. He closed his eyes for a moment, slowly retracting his mind from hers, then turned on his heel to stride towards the door. He swung open the door, scowling at what he saw before him.

Racine, one of the older children of the Refuge, had her wand drawn, and she immediately dropped her hand when she saw Severus emerge from the bedchamber. Two of the younger boys were locked together, wrestling on the floor, each grunting with the effort of their struggle. Severus reached down to drag them up by their hair, holding them at arms length with their feet dangling beneath them. When they finally stopped kicking and looked at him, he dropped them to land on their feet in front of him.

Merlin's beard, he couldn't remember ever being as undisciplined as these two. He had almost not agreed to take them in, as they were not yet school aged, and yet Sirana had pleaded with him, petitioning his empathy since their circumstances were dire. He had finally acquiesced, assuring himself that they were less than a year away from admission to Hogwarts, and that surely he could tolerate them for that long. Sirana had rewarded him with a smile that had made up for the nuisance... on most days. Today was not one of those days, and although he would give anything to see Sirana's smile again, his patience was wearing thin with these two.
"Once again I am forced to..." Severus's lecture was cut short by the smallest of the two, Aengus, who wailed in his a pre-pubescent whine.

"Evel stole my pudding! I hate him!" he said, his hands drawn into fists at his side.

Severus looked at Evel, who looked farthest from his given name as any boy could. Evel had sandy blond hair and big, bright blue eyes which were set above chubby pink cheeks. It wasn't the first time he'd helped himself to someone else's pudding, and Severus was at his wits end at how to control the boy's voracious appetite. "Evel, come with me," Severus growled, grabbing the boy by his squishy wrist to lead him down the stairs to the kitchen.

"Lady Lola, I have an found an assistant for you," Severus said to the lovely older lady who stood behind the large butcher block table in the kitchen. Her graying hair hung down in two loose braids with ribbons laced through them, which Severus knew meant she had plans this evening since she normally had it coiled up high on her head when she prepared their meals. She gave Severus a look of annoyance before offering a warm smile to the boy.

"He can't seem to keep his grubby paws off of others' pudding, so I thought perhaps, since he had an affection for food, he could be of service in helping you prepare it," Severus said to Lady Lola, looking at her hopefully with as much of a smile as he could muster, appealing to her love of children and food.

"Ya like ma puddin' do ya?" she said, coming around the table to take the boys hand from Severus's grip. "I think I may ha' some time ta teach ye a recipe. Sum'n a lil' lighter on na tummy, but still ver' yummy," she said in her sing-song voice, "Would ya like that, eh?"

Severus felt satisfied that he had solved the problem for the time being, and Lady Lola winked at him her reassurance that she had it all under control before she led Evel to look for ingredients. Severus would be making his leave this evening, and would not return for a week, so he wanted to see Sirana one last time before he left. There were two other assistants acting as house parents, and they could manage the almost dozen children in his absence. Eleven to be exact, and Severus intended to return with two more, making it a baker's dozen. At that, they would be stretching the capacity of The Refuge, but he could almost hear Sirana's voice saying, "The more merrier," at the prospect. Severus's chest tightened at the thought of Sirana's voice. It had been over a month since he'd heard it. He had a lead on treatment for her though, and collecting the new children wasn't the only purpose for his departure.

Severus brushed a wisp of hair away from Sirana's face, then leaned down to kiss her forehead, gently pressing his lips against her cool skin. He lowered to her ear and said in a low whisper, "I shall return to you with all possible haste. Do not worry. It won't be for forever, my love." The familiar terms of endearment were more for his own comfort, and he left with the urgency of a man on a mission of true desperation.