Aviva

3:

Aviva
I didn't want to leave my bed. What happened last week made me feel uneasy. I don't want to go to school. I don't want to see anyone. There is nobody to talk to. Nicole is not even around. I don't think I want to live for twenty days any longer. Can't I just die today? The only thing that keeps me going is Nicole. She has always been there for me.

"I should definitely go to school today. I'll soon be dead anyways". I said to myself as I stood up from my bed. I went straight into the bathroom to take my bath. Taking my bath will be easy but combing my hair will not. I wish Nicole was here to help me. I was still thinking of how I'll comb my hair when my phone rang. I left the bathroom to get my phone. It's Matt.

"Hi Matt". I said turning around to get my comb. Before I could make a complete turn I fell to the ground. I totally forgot that my feet were wet. I hit the floor with a loud thud. Blood gushed out of my hands.

"Hello? Vivi? You okay?"

"No I think things just got worse". I managed to say before I could no longer muster the strength to do anything. I was still breathing or maybe I wasn't. All I knew was that my body felt really heavy. This is definitely not a panic attack.

"Normally, at this time of my life I should already be in the hospital with several machines connected to my system. I should probably be with a bald head and pale skin by now but then I didn't show cancer symptoms even though my skin is pale and I lose weight like crazy. All I knew was that I was dying and there is nothing I could do to it. Chemotherapy stopped working about six months ago for some unknown reasons. Maybe I was destined to die at this stage of my life. Who knows? Maybe I was created to die". These were the thoughts that ran through my head as I lie motionless on the floor. All of these things were true. What exactly was my purpose? I had no idea but I hope the story about my last days gets to people and touches their hear. Maybe my legacy will proceed that way.

"Vee?". I heard faintly. Wow he got here so fast or how long have I been lying here?

"Vivi hang in there I'll call Nicole". I heard footsteps. I think he was running. At least I have two people who care about me. The problem is how I'll write now that I'm paralyzed. I was trying to hold on as Matt said but it was becoming severely hard to do that. I think I should just give in. Maybe it'll relieve me if the stress I'm going through. Finally I stopped trying so hard and I let the darkness engulf me.

***
I woke up to the sound of beeps. "Hmm". I groaned as my eyes tried to adapt to the lighting in the room. News flash I'm on a hospital bed with several machines connected to my skull.

"Are you okay?". Nicole asked with a worried look on her face.

"I'm fine". I said struggling to sit up.

"You don't need to do that. I can hear whatever you're saying". Nicole said. Her voice sounds different. She was worried.

"Where is Matt?". I asked looking around to see if he was in the room.

"He went to pay the bill, he'll be back soon"

"Ok". I said and silence ensued. It was comfortable. We were both lost in our different thoughts to notice that the room was silent. Knowing that you'll lose someone you love can be very disturbing. "I want to go home". I mumbled to myself but I think it was too loud cos Nicole looked at me. I hate situations like this.

"Vee, you can't go home now"

"Is it because I'm going to die?"

"No, don'tsay that. Your condition is not stable to go home. I know this place might be uncomfortable but you have to manage till everything is over"

"Ok yeah manage till I die". I said again.

"Stop thinking about death. Everything will be okay"

"Ok I'll stop but can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah what is it?"

"What type of cancer do I have? You said you'll tell me". My question seemed to shock her. She looked at me with pity. Why does she have to pity me? I don't look pitiful. Do I? I turned around to a mirror which was placed beside me. I do look pitiful. My thoughts were interrupted by a loud sigh.

"I have been avoiding this question for a long time which is my fault I'm sorry but the thing is you have pancreatic cancer"

"Pancreatic cancer?". I asked in shock. "You mean cancer of the pancreas, the rare one which is difficult to detect and only about one percent have survived?"

"Yes"

"Was that why you kept it from me all this while?"

"Yes, I didn't want you to worry. I liked the way you live your life with no worries. It was for the best"

"It was really for the best. If I knew I had Pancreatic cancer I would never have lived happily the way I did.  I'll probably be gloomy all the time". I admitted truthfully. There was no other truth than that.

"Thank goodness I made the right choice this time". She said with a smile and I laid my head down in an attempt to show that I needed to rest. I was feeling a little bit tired and weirdly not sad. Maybe knowing you have people who care for you is a way of living a no worry life. I shut my eyes and let sleep engulf me.

"Are you done?". I heard Nicole ask someone a question.

"Yeah. Is she okay now?" Matt asked

"Yeah she should be. She is probably very tired from the conversation we had"

"Have you contacted the school to let them know what's happening"

"Yeah I did that already"

"Ok good. I think we need to leave her and allow her to rest". Nicole concluded. I heard the chair move and the clicking of the door. They left and now I feel lonely. I needed someone's presence but it's okay.