CALL IT LOVE

LIGHT?

Dear diary,

I am so sorry for not writing for almost one whole year. A lot had happened in this course of 12 months. I am so unsure of what to do right now. I almost forgot the habit of writing until I met her again. Like every time, I am writing believing I would get answers. Let me start from where I left. Tara, it's always her from where I start, even after everything's changed. Tara finally woke up that night. She was so much confused, anxious and was afraid of everything. A few weeks later, she was discharged from the hospital. I almost spent a whole month at her place. I tried my best to jog back her memories, never mentioning about Bella. She read my journals, where I had written all about our love and how bad I fell for her. She read all those and all that she said was "I'm so sorry, Vishnu. I am trying my best but to be honest I cannot remember anything and its totally blank." She had a straight face. All the shattered pieces of my heart were shattered again. I did not want to over-react as she'd feel bad for me. I did not want her love which would be gained by sympathy. No. Then, the distance between us grew further and further and we were finally at the stage of strangers. I tried my best making sure that this would not consume me.

A few weeks later, our exam results were out. She got 98% and I secured 95%. We were at a stage where I asked everything about her to her mom. And on the other side, she never cared. She kept herself busy binge watching series. She decided to leave this town for her college and for a change. We always planned going to Bangalore for college. She never remembered that. She enrolled herself in the best college in Coimbatore. And of course, I enrolled myself in our dream college, without her. I went with a few friends of mine to the college. I was no really pleased with the aesthetics of the dorm. So I decided to take up a house for rent. I can also be more independent and eat whatever I want. At first, mom was not okay with me eating restaurant food everyday. She even decided to move in with me and after a lot of convincing, she finally agreed to leave me alone. She even taught me a few recipes.

Then finally after few weeks, I moved in. The new house was all set. It is more than enough for one person and prices are quite high here. My house has a little living room. To its right is the dining room. On the left of the dining room is the bedroom and to its right is the kitchen. Mom came here and stayed with me for a few weeks. She was not really happy with all the commercial looking vegetables and fruits and always complained about the price of anything and everything. Until today, she complains about me buying milk from the stores instead of a milkman coming early every morning and pouring milk. She was tired fighting with me and eventually gave up. I feel so bad for her. Yet, I had to do it. I too needed some light in my life. Little did I know that I would fall inside the trap of darkness.