Appointments || DNF

chapter six ✤

Remember to check TW's – detailed and graphic description -

Dream was lying alone on his bed with his earphones in. He had a crappy iPod that played the same three songs on repeat.

It was dark outside and he hadn't been bothered to turn the light on, the lightbulb was close to dying out anyway.

Sapnap wasn't home, he had decided to spend the evening somewhere in the city, he had asked Dream if he wanted to join him but Dream had told him he needed to catch up on sleep, he hadn't slept at all the night he had spent in George's bed. 

He hadn't eaten all day and he even through his earphones he could hear the noises his stomach was making; begging him to eat. He was still wearing the clothes he had taken from George; he hadn't been bothered to change.

Tears were silently streaming down the sides of his face and he was doing his best to wipe them away with the sleeve of George's hoodie, but they kept falling. He was in pain. Not any sort of physical pain, but a pain that was hard to describe.

This type of pain was one where tears simply fell from his eyes without hesitation, one after the other, until he gave up, letting them ceaselessly fall. If he let them fall for long enough perhaps small pools of pain would be created at both sides of his face.

Dream had tried so desperately to stop the tears from falling, he knew he didn't deserve to feel sorrow or pity himself. It made him realise how weak he was and that made him hate himself even more.

He had placed his earphones in to try and drown out his own thoughts, to make them disappear. He never thought his mind would be the thing trying its best to ruin him. But now his earphones had a second task, they were to drown out the sounds of his own sobs that still escaped from his mouth no matter how hard he tried to hold them back.

He was so tired, why couldn't he just fall asleep and try again tomorrow? It sounded so easy, yet it was so hard to accomplish.

Instead, he forced himself from his bed and tore his earphones out.

He didn't know why it was so bad today, but then again, he did. It was George and everything that was happening between them. He hated that George wanted to spend time with him, he hated how kind George was, he hated the way he made him feel, the way every time he was around him he wanted to open up and tell him everything. 

He knew he didn't deserve someone like George. He had found it hard enough to accept Sapnap's friendship and he was still disgusted by the fact that he was having to live off of him. He would do anything to have his own place.

He was now making his way slowly to the bathroom; it was almost as if his legs had given up on him and he was having to wilfully urge them to take one step after another. It was like teaching himself how to walk again.

Once he had made it to the bathroom, he slumped onto the floor leaning backwards against the door, exhaustion was consuming him, but he was still determined.

He was luckily in arms reach of the bathroom cupboard where he kept all of his toiletries. At the back of the cupboard behind a large container of cotton pads was a small bag, full of razor blades. He reached for the bag.

Once it was in his hands, he opened the little bag up and carefully took a razor blade out of it. He then placed the bag back into its spot, exactly as he had found it.

He played with the razor, weaving it in and out of each of his fingers so it looked as if it were dancing. He then placed it down onto the floor. Next, he took out some cotton pads, a wrap of bandages and finally some alcoholic wipes.