𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙞𝙩 𝙩𝙖𝙠𝙚 - 𝘔𝘴.𝘝𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦

i am not myself

Wilhemina's point of view

I woke up, laying on the floor with horrible pain in my chest. I didn't know what happened. The first thing that came to mind was (y/n). Is she okay? Did we succeed? Many thoughts preoccupied my mind. The last thing I remember was (y/n)'s lips against mine, later I caught a glimpse of her running away. Why would she leave me?

I sat up as my whole torso still horribly ached. I looked around in silence. There was absolutely nobody around. I still seemed to be in the sanctuary.

-"(Y/n)...?"-I whispered with hope her precious voice would suddenly greet me. But nothing.

My cane was not around so I had to crawl up to nearby stairwell in order to get up. After I finally got my cane I started looking around the place, in hopes to find (y/n) and just to learn the the environment I am in.

After looking around for so long, I suppose hours have passed. I inspected every inch of this place. (Y/n) was nowhere to be found. I had so many unanswered questions, and even if I don't feel this emptiness often, the thought of never seeing her lovely face, her ravishing figure, her shiny (y/h/c) hair again, made me desperate. It was agonizing. I leaned onto the wall and started sobbing. This wasn't like me at all. What is she doing to me?

What seemed like hours passed and there was no tears to shed anymore. I felt dry. This bitter feeling wasn't going away. A wrong move would shoot stabbing pain through my chest that still horribly ached. If (y/n) seriously left me here, everything my future brings is just simply aimless, because all I always wanted was her. I hated admitting it, in a way I even denied it. I pushed it deep down, but I always knew. At the end of the day she was my last thought. I remember every failed attempt to get her out of my head. Every second of the day I wished that she's mine and I am hers. I think I am finally brave enough to admit to myself that I love her, despite the pain loving her has brought me.

One more tear left my eye before my stomach started growling loudly. I walked slowly to the dining room that I have already been in a few hours ago but this time I could actually pay attention to all the exquisite looking food. Wow-I whispered. Where have they been keeping all these delicacies? I sat down on one of the chairs that were settled around a huge dining table, and tried a little bit of everything.

I wasn't hungry anymore but I supposed it would keep my mind off topic if I kept 'inhaling' everything I see. I didn't even use a fork anymore and I was just shoving everything  in my mouth until I felt it all coming up my throat. I stood up and rushed to the bathroom as fast as I could, considering I needed support while walking. As I got to the bathroom, I threw up everything I had just a few minutes ago. I felt disgusting. My own self disgusted me when I looked into the mirror.

My eyes were puffy, and bloodshot from crying. I had food and puke all over my face and dress. I unzipped the back of my dress whilst still moving pretty carefully. I washed my face with cold water and I was ready to take a shower.

As I took my bra off I noticed weird, round looking scars on my chest, a bit under my breasts and on my stomach. I didn't know what these marks were. As I tried to search for what those were in my memory, it was like someone shot me right in my head and I dropped on the floor covering my ears. The pain stopped in a few seconds and I just decided to stop wondering what those were considering I couldn't think of a rational answer.

I crawled into the shower to let the steaming hot water pour on my skin, it burned a little, just how I liked it actually. I brought my head to my knees and tears started streaming down my face again, as I wished she was there.