In her hands (ON HOLD UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE)

6

As soon as I process what's happening I shove her back. "I-we-no" I rush out. A flood of emotions encompasses me. I don't-can't like her like that.

Jane scoots away from me. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry and if you would like me to leave I understand."

"No your fine. Sorry. I just have to much to deal with a relationship."

"I'm Umm sorry I shouldn't have done that. I'm going to go. Goodnight." She muttered backing away like I was poison. Without a seconds notice the door was clicking shut with a rattle.

I could only slam my head into the headboard. Over and over until the tears ran down my face. Why did all of this have to happen now.

I just want to see my mom. To know she's alive. For her to smile that warm kind smile one more time. And to declare to the anyone who listened that I was Gods gift to humanity.

Since I couldn't do any of those things I grabbed the freshly cracked bottle of champagne and drank it. It wasn't strong, didn't carry the burn I needed.

I was smart enough to know that showing up hungover on the first day would give the wrong impression. So instead I curled into a ball and sobbed for what felt like hours. The sun dipping further and further behind the Texas skyline.

———
The headache pounded with each treacherous ring of the device. Sobbing hangovers put alcohol induced hangovers to shame. Her stomach coiled tightly around herself as she pushed herself from the sweat soaked disbelief sheets.

Her legs ached with a deep cramp. Begrudgingly dragging herself across the small hotel room to the bathroom. Showering off the dread before dressing in sweats and a hoodie. Even if it was 100000 degrees outside.

She had at least three hours before the meeting. She knew she couldn't stay in the room. This room made her want to cry. So Natalie packed up everything she needed, loading the small pockets before setting out on the city. She stopped by a local coffee shop and grabbed an ice coffee. Greedily sipping it as she maneuvered her way through the city before walking up the steps into the dash's sporting complex.

Taking an open seat in the lobby. Politely crossing her ankles like she had been taught for years, mentally hearing her mother scold her for sitting like a man. She chuckled amusedly to herself hearing the deep twang with each syllable or lack there of.

That was the part she hated the most after the diagnosis. Her mother stopped reprimanding her for not acting lady like or cussing like a sailor. The chemo taking it out of her. The little energy she had by the end of the day when Natalie could sneak in 20 minutes before visiting hours closed were left to nodding as Natalie complained about her coach and how rude her English teacher had been. A few choked chuckles to be uttered when discussing a joke.

Natalie wiped under her eyes making sure a stray tear hadn't fallen. Before checking her phone one last time. It was 9:05 an acceptable LI time to walk into the player meeting. She walked until she found someone in a dash polo to receive directions to the conference room.

She was the first one there. She stood right outside the room not wanting to break the threshold just yet. Her hands pinned to her sides like if she breathed to heavy she would interrupt the world so she stood there like an imposter, pin straight, taking slow shallow breathes on every third count.

Thankfully John showed up and stood directly infront of her. "First one I take it?"

Natalie nodded pulling her eye from the loose knot tied half hazardously on her left shoe.

"Well come in everyone should be here within the next thirty minutes so let's chat. Yeah?"

"Yeah?" Her voice cracked uncharacteristically, "yeah" this time with more confidence behind it. He took the first seat to his left as Natalie walked around the large white oval shaped desk and took the seat across from the middle aged man who's beard was littered with slat and pepper.