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He pushed open the door, taking a quick look around the boys restrooms, as he made sure that nobody else were in there. He couldn't risk someone seeing him, while he changed his bandages. When he figured the coast were clear and that nobody were in the stalls, he locked the door. Taking one last glance around, before pulling up his left sleeve which were slightly covered in blood.
The sight before him, made his eyes widen. His bandage were completely soaked in blood and he forgot to bring a clean bandage with him, when he left the classroom. Mentally slapping himself, from forgetting something that important and for the fact he even had a bunch of bandages in his school bag.
Its not even the first time... he thought. Mentally slapping himself ones again, before removing the soaked bandage from his wrist. Quickly tossing the dirty bandage in a trash can, he reached his not bloody wrist out, to turn on the sink. Making sure the water weren't too hot, before he placed his bloody wrist under.
Seeing how the blood kept pooling from his scarred wrist, while quickly leaving down the drain. His eyes never leaving the sight infront of him, as he found it fascinating how the blood just kept on pooling from his wrist without stopping. And even more fascinated by the fact that he made this the day before, but it still poured uncontrollably, never healing just the slightest. He had a fear that he may have a cut a bit too deep, since normally it would have atleast begun to heal now.
Maybe he did really cut too deep.. But that didn't change the fact, he would probably do it again. He kept on studying his scarred wrist and the blood that poured from it. Finally stopping, when he began feeling dizzy. He quickly turned off the water, before grabbing some toilet paper and wrapping it around his wrist. The blood kept on pouring though, so he just kept on wrapping till it couldn't bleed through anymore.
Pulling down his sleeve, to see if it had covered his wrist good enough, he decided it were fine for now.
His wrist still stung while his back and torso still arched, burned and hurt from all the pain his 'father' had caused him the day before. He were about to look at his injuries, when the clock rang making him remember where he were. He had forgotten all about the time and the fact he were still at school. So he decided that checking his other injuries later would probably be best, as he made his way out the restrooms and towards his classroom.
...
The time were flowing by awfully slow, making him regret further and further that he didn't check his bandages anyway, instead of going to class. The pain was becoming overpowering ones again, to the point where he couldn't even move just the slightest, without grunting and gritting his teeth in pain. He tried to sit still, not moving a muscle, doing his best to keep the pain at a minimum, while he tried to keep his pain filled voice as low as possible when he were grunting, not wanting his classmates to realize how much pain he were in.
He mentally slapped himself, while thinking things like you shouldn't even be able to feel pain or you deserve every painful filled movement you get. For him it were the truth or atleast the truth his 'father' had beaten into him since he were little. Normally he wouldn't even be able to feel the pain, usually he would just go numb after a couple of hours, his body closing off to stop him from falling unconscious 'cause of the overpowering pain. He would also usually go numb mentally, stopping himself from expressing any painfilled expressions.
Leaving just him and his hurtful thoughts, the thoughts that keep telling him to just end it all, the thoughts that keep telling him how useless, worthless, loveless and unwanted he is. He always try to keep the thoughts at bay, but sometimes he can't help but let them in, to let them ravage in his thoughts and corrupt his mind. He cant help but think that the thoughts are speaking the truth, that they only try to help him, which they obviously didn't. But when he, at this point, only have himself to rely on, the thoughts were the only thing he truly listened to. Even when he tried to keep them out of his mind, they would find a way back in, a way back where they could keep on ravaging his mind.
At this point, he didn't even care anymore. His mind became more and more numb, to the point he forgot what happiness felt like. The only thing he could feel now, were pain and how unwanted he were, every other emotion were completely isolated from his mind. Keeping them from coming back and hurting him even more, he didn't want to feel happiness when it only backfired, he didn't want to love someone again when they end up being taken away from him, just like his mother did.
It's not like he didn't feel an urge sometimes to have some happiness and deep down he truly wanted to too. But every time it would cross his mind, he would just end the incoming thoughts, making sure it wouldn't happen, in the fear of it back firering. While he kept on recalling things his 'father' had told him while he grew up, things like you dont need happiness, it doesn't make you stronger, happiness makes you weak, its useless or at some point he even told him that he didn't deserve happiness, that it were only meant for people who were wanted in the world. And as a naive kid, he believed it, after his mother were sent to the hospital, he didn't smile, laugh or even show any signs of emotions.
He felt completely numb all the way back, to when he were only 6 years old, throughout his middle school years and all the way to when he started at UA. After he started, it seemed to get better, he had smiled a few times throughout the first year, feeling that he finally found a place he belonged. It weren't happiness though, he wouldn't give himself the luxury of feeling an emotion that he didn't deserve to be feeling. After all, he had been telling himself that it were his fault his mother were in the hospital, that it were his fault Touya ''died'', all bad things that would happen around him would be his fault and he believed it.
Why wouldn't he? nobody ever told him otherwise. Ever.
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YOU ARE READING
Heros Fall
Fanfiction(Not my art) The days are flowing by like seconds and nobody seemed to notice how one of their fellow classmates were hurting, both on the inside but also at the outside. This story do contain: Abuse, swearing and other /maybe/ sensitive topics. Sta...
