21.10.2021
Hello, were here again! I just want to Say that my class is shit. They laugh at every problem, they doesn't understand why would someone be different from them. I'm scared that if they'll know that I'm trans they will bully me. I know that they are transphobic because there is one ftm person whose out of closed in our school and there was a period in what they were bulling him, following him, laughing at him, they were calling names at him. I was too shy to go to him and Say that I'm trans too and he's not alone, but my male classmate (that every one hates) broke up with him saying "I want to be with a real boy not some girl who think she is a boy". Every one was laughing at him (the trans person) and it was just sad.
I don't look like a ftm trans person who Come out almost a year ago. I look like a basic girl, and I feel uncomfortable with it. I want my hair to be short, I want to look more masculine, I want to look like a cis guy. But the problem is that I will look like a broccoli with short hair and I if I will dress more masculine I'm gonna look like a piece of shit. It's making me insane. I don't know what to do.
Cut my hair even if I will look werid with short hair?
Dress more masc even if I kinda like the way skirt looks on me?
Wear a binder even if it makes my back hurt more than ever?
It's making me delusional.
My parents will take me to psychiatrist and when I asked what for, they said they don't know. Thats funny and sad at the same time.
I have a older Brother and he might seem nice but he's really mean every time we talk. He's the most transphobic person I ever met and he doesn't even know I'm trans.
I want to die. Why am I still here. Kill me.
