Doom Lord Stuff filled with inconsistencies and procrastination

Plague's Pastry Party

“I don't know why you invited me to your house.”
“Oh well, it's a secret.”
“Spike-hikes, Plague. You're getting me on the wrong end. WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'SECRET'?”
“I mean, the 'secret' are the items on the table. Are you that dirty-minded?”
“Maybe.”

Plague led Pain to the "secret" place, which was actually just a bunch of pastries on a table. “Don't pin me on the table and kiss me!” Pain warned. “Someone wouldn't be happppyyy.” A brief pause between them as Plague answered. “Pain. You do know I'm gay, right?”

“Scratch that Plague, you told me you were bi a few weeks ago. Don't go switching sexualities on me now.” He sighed. “I'm sorry, but I really did not know how to respond to that.”

She just closed her eyes and shook her head. “Well, I can sometimes come off as a anti-lover. But back on topic.” Pain pointed at the pastries. “What are all these pastries doing here?” “We're going to eat them.”
“Just us? Eating that? There's like one, two... Twenty!”
“Pfft, of course, I invited more.”

A knock came from the door and Misery came in, looking as if he had just run a mile. He closed the door and locked it behind him. “Woah-woah, Misery! Are you okay? What happened?” Plague said. “Some men started chasing me.” Misery said between fast breathes. Pain blinked. “I might need some more context.” She said.

“I was just walking here then bam! Someone grabbed me! But of course, I'm small, I just wiggled out. But then another dude came in with a baseball bat! What were they gonna do to me? Well, they were definitely not going to play baseball with me-”
“Wait! Someone tried kidnapping you?!” Pain said worriedly. “Yes, and seems like they added 'kill' on the list.”

“Were these the same men that tried kidnapping me the other day?”
“YOU ALMOST GOT KIDNAPPED?!”
Plague and Misery said in unison.
“Why did you never tell me?! We should've had filed a case-”
“We're Doom Lords, Plague. They won't help us. Plus, I don't think any of them are doing their job.”

“Well, we're straight up not having a good time. GASP, FLUFFY FEATHERS, WHAT IF I'M NEXT?!” A knock came from the door and Plague and Misery froze, Pain on the other hand... “I'm getting a knife.” She said casually and left the room to go search for one. Both of the boys looked at each other. “What are we gonna do?” Misery asked. “I don't know? Hope they're like zombies in that movie we watched two weeks ago...”

“Is anyone in here? Did we get the wrong address?” That voice was familiar... Plague cautiously opened the door. “HAZARD, MALICE!”
“Hello? Why are you screaming?”
“Oh, nothing. Just thought you were some kidnappers.”
“Kidnap...? Well, we're certainly not- OH MY FIREY FLAPS WHY IS SHE HOLDING A KNIFE.”

He turned around and saw Pain holding a huge knife. “Pain, don't go stabbing. It was a false alarm. Sorry if you wanted to stab someone.” She lifted the knife and Misery flinched. “Watch where you point that!”

“Hah! I look threatening, right?” Pain said. The boys nodded. “Alright, alright. I'm putting this back.” Pain left once again. “Is Doom, Papercuts, and Fear coming?” Misery asked. “Doom, yes. Papercuts, no. He said he was busy doing papers, assignments. And Fear... Uh... I didn't invite him.”

Silence, Hazard broke it. “You, you didn't invite him?” “YES! I KNOW! BUT HE EATS SO MUCH, IF I INVITED HIM HE WOULD EAT ALL OF IT, AND GENERALLY I DON'T THINK HE'S THE "BRIGHTEST" GUY. I'M JUST AN "A-HOLE" LIKE PAIN SAYS.”
“Calm down.” Malice said. “We'll leave him some.” “I'm doubtful.” Plague took Misery's arm, and surprisingly, Misery did not look impressed. “Wanna eat?”

“Sure.”
Hazard and Malice walked in, the house was fairly small so they found the table straight away. Plague had to drag Misery to the room, Misery seemed angry at him, and he definitely knows why.