pyrexia [ ,, KIRIBAKU ]

chapter five

It hurts so bad. I can't take it anymore.

Katsuki laid flat on his back, murky red eyes pinned to the ceiling fan. the semi-darkness was only broken by the dim glow of his curtains, lit by the moon from outside.

I can't keep doing this.

It was four thirty in the morning, but Katsuki wasn't at all tired. In fact, he was wide awake. He'd been in the same position for over two hours, letting himself think things through.

He already knew that Kirishima wouldn't start dating him. He was happy with Mina, not to mention that he was straight.

It drove Katsuki insane. Every little thing reminded Katsuki of Kirishima, from music, to couples walking down the street, everything.

At this point, Katsuki had given up. He didn't even try sending Kirishima hints, simply letting himself fall in a downward spiral. It was worrying all of his friends, and hell, even his classmates and teacher.

Please don't say you love me, Kirishima. Please.

Katsuki could barely keep himself together, let alone function properly. He was starting to slip in school. The only thing that saved him was Denki.

And not only because of Kirishima.

"Fucking red headed loser." Katsuki put a hand over his face, groaning to himself. Despite the overwhelming urge to sleep, he couldn't. He'd been trying for hours, but it hadn't worked

Instead, Katsuki let himself sit up, pulling out his phone.

Tell him.

"I can't," Katsuki muttered to himself, opening their messages.

'hey, kiri. i know you're not awake, but ive gotta get something off of my chest.'

He paused, and deleted the message. Shutting off his phone, Katsuki tilted his head backwards, letting it rest against the wall. A shallow breath escaped his lips, eyes closing briefly.

Tears welled up, not only in his eyes but in his chest. They seared him, weighing him down like an anchor in the middle of a desolate, empty sea. They threatened to spill over the edge, the edges of his eyes stinging.

"...fuck." he breathed, wiping his raw eyes sniffling. "Pull yourself together dumbass." Katsuki muttered to himself. The words were dull, meaningless even. Nothing meant anything anymore. Katsuki had fallen into a deep hole of depression and false hope.

It was exhausting. Kirishima was constantly being so... Kirishima. Hugs, physical touch, affection, all that shit. It made Katsuki go insane.

Tepid wind blew onto his skin, and Katsuki finally sat back up, groaning to himself. It was still too warm... Maybe not actually temperature wise, but just him. He felt uncomfortable in his own skin, exhausted all the time and unhappy.

His phone screen lit up, immediately catching his gaze.

Kirishima?

Katsuki scoffed at the thought when he saw it was just a spam text. Scoffed at the hope that had lit his gaze, the excitement. He hated himself for it. It made him sick just thinking about how much he wanted to be with the redhead.

"Fuck this shit." He muttered, snatching up the phone and tapping on Kirishima's contact. The ringing tone only sounded for a split second before he picked up.

It was surprising to say the least to find Kirishima up at this hour.

"..hello?" Kirishima's voice sounded achy and tired. Almost like he had been crying. "Katsuki? You there?.."