pyrexia [ ,, KIRIBAKU ]

chapter six

Well well, there he was again, speeding down the highway at nearly 12am.

It was almost therapeutic, the wind and music blasting in his ears, one hand on the wheel, the other hanging out of the window. For once, his eyes weren't wet, staring out at the road. The air was warm yet again, continuously ruffling his hair, the ash blond spikes going this way and that. His cheeks and nose were flushed a rose color, peach-tinted lips sealed shut, mutely listening to whatever was on the radio.

Despite the apathetic look plastered to his face, a myriad of ever-fluctuating emotions pounded at his skull, muddling each and every distraction he attempted to come up. So instead of trying anymore, he had his eyes glued to the road, letting the endless wind and music fill in the space in his mind where thoughts would normally go.

He hadn't been out for long; maybe 45 minutes, give or take. How long do I drive? It was the only coherent thing that would drift into his mind every once and awhile. The same answer would come up every time, until this feeling goes away. But he knew he wouldn't be that lucky. By the time he returned, maybe he'd feel a bit better, or maybe he'd sit on his bed for another hour and try to sleep, but end up restless and awake until his body crumbled into a sleep full of dreams he couldn't have.

Admittedly, it had gotten better since last week. Most of the time, when he was with Denki or Sero, his mind was off of Kirishima, and he could focus in class now, which was nice. But, when he was alone, he couldn't help but let his mind slip away. Part of him couldn't, for the fucking life of him, let that stupid red-head go an hour without entering his mind.

But hey, it was progress. Denki was a huge help, but it felt foreign to spend lunches without Kirishima and Mina. It felt alien for Kirishima to look away from him instead of jogging over and slinging an arm over his shoulder, that bright grin, those enthusiastic going through one of Katsuki's ears and out the other. They had barely talked since the night Katsuki confessed. Maybe it was just Kirishima's way of giving him space. Maybe he hates you and things you're a pathetic, clingy burden.

With the last thought plaguing his mind, he got off at the nearest exit, only to get back on the opposite direction, back towards the dorms. The drive back was fairly quiet. The windows were rolled up, music off, eyes glued to the road. Surprisingly, he felt fairly peaceful. Was it because he was doing everything in his power to keep a thought from entering his mind? Sure, but it was still peace.

When he got back to the dorms, Katsuki parked his car and headed inside. Immediately, he flinched back.

Crimson eyes stared back at him, wide, the depths of them oh so hypnotic. "Fuck, sorry." Katsuki was the first to speak, but immediately regretted it. Kirishima's entire face split into that sweet, nonchalant grin, and he waved it off, talking fast. Katsuki barely registered his words, though. His heartrate was going 110 miles per hour, heat rising to his face as Kirishima blabbed about missing his voice or something.

Fuck.

"... Anyways, don't worry about it man! Just glad to see you're doing okay. I miss seein' ya." Kirishima finished, and Katsuki blinked, nodding and muttering something along the lines of 'yeah, okay.'

As Katsuki laid in his bed, his gut churned, mind slowly, slowly finding a different thing to think about. Anything but Kirishima. His frustration grew greatly, building rage in the pit of his stomach until he flew upright, punching his pillow so hard that his bed shuddered from the impact. His breath came in angry, heavy pants, eyes narrowed. He was so, so fucking done with being in love with that red-haired idiot.

He was angry, angry at himself, angry at Kirishima, angry at everyone and everything. Katsuki was beyond pissed off at the universe. Why throw this shit at him? Him of all people?

What in the fucking world had Kirishima been doing up at this hour anyway? It was rapidly approaching 01:00 and Kirishima had been wide awake- even energized. Katsuki put on shoes, heading downstairs. He was fuming with bottled up anger, breaking into a sprint as he ran outside.

He stopped running when he reached the gym. It was still open. It never really closed, actually. Making his way inside, he tossed his phone on a bench and started punching. Katsuki didn't bother putting on boxing gloves against the punching bag.

The recoil of each punch wasn't something Katsuki disliked, the pain in his knuckles almost refreshing. Sweat soaked into his hair, breath exhaling with every punch, and inhaling as he drew his fists back.

He didn't stop for at least an hour, if not more. He stopped keeping track as some point, ignoring the painful stinging in his muscles, his knuckles, and the tears in his eyes. At some point, he slumped against the wall. His muscles were burning, knuckles red and bloody.

Sweat trickled down his temples and back, eyes void of emotion as Katsuki stared at the floor. Another wave of rage hit and he couldn't stop himself from lashing out, fist hitting the concrete floor he sat on. Pain exploded in his knuckles and he cursed loudly, "Fuck! That fucking hurts!"

What did you expect, dumb-fuck? His mind supplied helpfully, and he let out a growl as blood ran down his hand. He didn't fracture the bone, but the gritty concrete cut deep. He'd be bruised for days.

Getting up, Katsuki made his way to the locker room, stripping off his clothes and jumping in the shower. The water was cool, but he didn't mind, letting it wash away sweat and blood and maybe even some dried tears. It stung as it reached his knuckles, but he ignored it, cleaning them lightly.

What the fuck am I doing? This is pathetic and childish. He scoffed to himself, It's just a stupid crush. Get over him already. It shouldn't be this hard. Everybody else does it too. You're not special.

Then why did it hurt so much more? Maybe it was because he had so much trust in Kirishima, or that it took so long for him to get so attached.

Getting out, Katsuki put on his boxers and basketball shorts, toweling off his hair. The walk back to the doors was short, but it seemed to stretch for ages. The summer night was tepid and stuffy, a breeze drying off his torso and hair. The moon shined down onto his bare torso, and, eventually he made it back to the dorms. Checking his phone, he groaned. It was almost 02:50.

Hurrying upstairs to his dorm room, Katsuki wrapped some gauze around his knuckles, and crept into bed. He laid there for awhile, staring into the dark abyss. The fan pushed around mildly warm wind, curtain occasionally moving to let moonlight seep through and into the room.

Katsuki fell asleep sometime around 3:30, his sleep restless. He dreamt of nothing.