pyrexia [ ,, KIRIBAKU ]

chapter seven

Another week crawled by excruciatingly slow, Katsuki's emotions a tornado of chaos and restlessness. He found himself running into Kirishima way less often than normal.

He'd also noticed a massive mood switch from Kirishima. After the night he'd fucked up his knuckles in the gym, Kirishima seemed more dejected, floating between friend groups. His hair was never styled as well, and Katsuki caught him up in the middle of the night a few times, dark eye-bags and red-rimmed eyes matching Katsuki's.

He was beginning to suspect that there was something up with the red-head, but Katsuki couldn't bring himself to question him. He was finally starting to get a hold on his slipping grades, and Aizawa was less suspicious of him. Though, when he showed up to class with bandaged hands, it hadn't looked good.

Summer was definitely too long. Katsuki hated it. It was hot, and stuffy, and gross. And on top of that, rain hadn't fallen in ages. He missed the cool, refreshing rain in his hair, the smell it brought. An ache -- a mental one, started in his mind. He just wanted a steady positive he could be given.

What was Katsuki doing now? Well, he was on his way to Sero's room. Why? Because she was begging him to. Apparently Kirishima was dropping fast, going into a downward spiral and nobody could figure out why.

Katsuki raised his hand to knock on the painted wood of Sero's room, he didn't even get the chance to knock before the door swung open. A male with an overgrown black mullet stood at the door. He smelled faintly of weed, but Katsuki could tell he was sober now.

Brushing past him, Katsuki walked into the room. It was loud, but not in a bad way. Just loud. "Alright, what the fuck do you want?" Katsuki narrowed his eyes at the male, sitting down on his desk chair. Sero took a seat on the bed.

"Listen, dude. I don't think you understand when I say Kirishima is bad. He won't talk to any of us, not even Denki. He stays in his room all day, and when he comes out, he looks like he's been sobbing all day and hasn't gotten any sleep." Sero's voice was thick with worry, his dark eyes lit with concern. Katsuki frowned. He knew where this was going. "Please, just try to talk to him. You were the closest to him before..." Sero trailed off awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"No, Mullet." Katsuki responded firmly, eyes staying narrowed. He cared for Kirishima, but he couldn't afford to lose all the progress of healing he'd done.

"He stopped dying his hair." Sero pleaded. "He doesn't even style it anymore. Katsuki, please. Please just check on him."

Katsuki paled, but he tried to not let the words affect him. The last time Kirishima stopped dying his hair.... Nevermind.

He hesitated. "...Okay, but not today." Sero opened his mouth to speak, but Katsuki glared at him, "Not. Today. Motherfucker."

Once Katsuki left Sero's dorm, he let the worry show on his face. He already knew what his plan was. He'd known once Sero asked him for help, he just didn't want to accept the fact he'd give his own progress to help Kirishima a hundred times over.

Kirishima meant everything to him.

even if he didn't love katsuki like katsuki loved him.

Katsuki went back to his dorm, sitting down at his desk and staring at the sheet of homework in front, but he couldn't think straight. The sickening feeling of being used swarmed in his throat. He felt used. He couldn't keep giving up his own mental wellbeing over a crush.

Only, it was more than a crush. Katsuki was utterly devoted to Kirishima. The redhead had him like a puppy on a leash. Maybe he wasn't leading him on, but Katsuki loved him too much. Too much.

He loved Kirishima too much, and Kirishima didn't love him romantically. Not even a little bit. He used to, but Katsuki had missed his chance. If this was a fucked up story, Katsuki would be losing.

Frustration and the pure grief of being in Katsuki's situation spilled over. Between the frustration, the depression, the uncontrollable sacrifices, and the fact he would never get what he wanted with Kirishima, he was so close to being done.

Hah. Imagine that, right?

The unstoppable, stubborn, hot-headed, 'never give up!', never weak Katsuki Bakugou being spent? Giving up, even? Impossible.

Well, they'd certainly test the definition of impossible if things kept going like this.

In a moment of vulnerability, Katsuki found himself slumped against the wall of his dorm. He held a blade in one hand, wrist exposed for the other hand. He pressed against his skin, but, didn't do it.

What the fuck am I doing?!

He threw the blade across the room, putting his head in his shaking hands. He couldn't start self-harming. Things only went downhill from there. Katsuki would not go down the same path one of the people he now considered friends went down. It was a battle and if he started it, Katsuki knew he would lose.

Fuck. When did I get so goddamn emotional? The words echoed in his mind, and Katsuki found his answer. I got too attached. This is why I didn't want friends in the first place. If I had just kept ignoring everyone, I wouldn't be in this situation.

Goddamnit.

Katsuki got up, grabbing the blade and tossing it in the trash. He found himself back at his desk, working on auto pilot to finish his work. He barley registered the things he was doing, but, somehow he knew he was doing them right.

It didn't take long for him to finish the work, but then he didn't have anything to distract him. He sat on his bed, tilting his head back until it rested against the wall. With the lights now off, the room was semi-dark, the sunlight occasionally creeping into the room. The fan was on due to the heat, but it didn't help much, just blowing the warm air around.

The only noise was Katsuki's steady breathing, and the repetitive creaking of the ceiling fan. He half wanted to go see Kirishima right then, but he knew it would be a terrible idea. And plus, he didn't have even half the energy to talk to him right now.

Trying to keep the flames of his oh-so unpredictable emotions in check, he grabbed his laptop and opened up Minecart. The game was almost therapeutic.

Katsuki found himself playing a brand new survival world, getting armour, building houses, the whole shebang. Before he even realized it, his mind was fully sucked into the game, and hours blurred by.

And when I say hours, I mean hours. By the time he'd forced himself to get off, Katsuki could see moonlight through the glimpses behind the curtain, and he was beyond parched.

-

next chpt. .<3