Cuddle Buddies - Niko Vilhelm Moilanen | Blind Channel

Lonely

It took me a few minutes to calm down a little from the excitement and the wave of cuteness I felt after Niko had explained why his hoodie was in my backpack. I didn't want his hoodie to be outside my backpack for too long because I was afraid that it would take on the bad smell of the train but I also couldn't really stop pressing it against my chest since I still couldn't fully realize that I had Niko's hoodie with me. I couldn't comprehend he had done something so cute and adorable for me.

Since I didn't want it to lose Niko's typical scent that I couldn't get enough of, I eventually took a deep breath to smell Niko's typical scent once more – of course after checking if someone had sat down somewhere near me – , sighed and then put the black fabric back to where I had found it. As I opened my backpack, I remembered what I was about to do when I was distracted by Niko's hoodie: Listening to music.

Because I still had some hours until the train would arrive in Helsinki, I decided to now get out my headphones and listen to some Blind Channel songs. By now, I knew almost all of them and I loved them, there wasn't a single song I didn't like that much. Of course, I loved some songs even more than others but even the ones I didn't love as much, they were still a lot better than most of the other songs I had heard the past couple of years. Maybe apart from songs from one specific band.

After connecting my headphones to my mobile phone, I again connected my phone to the wifi the train company offered to check if I had some messages by my parents. Well, maybe I also hoped to find another message by Niko. As soon as I opened the messenger, I could see a small „1" next to his name. Of course, it took me less then a second to click on our chat and read his words. „Oh, I'm sure my hoodie will take care of you. And I will, too <3".

My heart beat sped up to a probably quite dangerous pace when I saw he had added a heart to his message. A heart! I wouldn't be lying if I'd say I wasn't far away from melting right away. What should I answer now?, I wondered. I didn't know what you could answer to this, I didn't want my answer to be too much or too revealing concerning my feelings but I also didn't want to end this chat by just reading and not answering, nor did I want to change the topic and ignore the fact that he had sent a heart. That's why I eventually decided to write „Nawww... That's so kind! I'm thankful there is someone out there who makes me feel safe <3".

Unfortunately, Niko wasn't online anymore. Only a bit more than two hours had passed since I've hugged him goodbye but I already missed him too much. I missed his kissed even though I had only very few times felt his lips on mine, I missed cuddling with him, I missed his hands touching me, caressing my cheek, my back, my skin in general, I missed hugging him. I even missed just talking to him and laughing about the memes their fans had created. I'd probably even do a lot to be tickled by him now, if only I could see him and spend some time with him. But no, I sat here alone in the train compartment on my way to Helsinki, leaving my family and my friends behind.

Of course, in Helsinki I had Anna but this time I wasn't looking forward to seeing her that much. We hadn't had any contact since our awkward phone call in which I realized our tastes in music were definitely different. Not even one message. So I guess this friendship wasn't the best – otherwise our different opinions in such an unimportant topic couldn't make us not chat with each other for weeks, could it? It made me kinda sad that our friendship apparently wasn't as good as I thought or maybe also hoped it was. Especially because Anna was the only one from the people I studied with I considered as a friend. Everyone else was just a person I knew, I maybe could talk to if it was about university and study related stuff, but everything private was something I couldn't talk about with them.

But this time, leaving almost my whole social life behind was even worse. Because this time, I had to leave someone else behind, Niko. It didn't only hurt since I saw more in us than just friends but especially because he had gotten such a close friend to me. He was the person I had spent almost every second day with over the last couple of weeks, he's always been there if I needed someone to talk to or just to cuddle. The next weeks or maybe even month he couldn't be there. I'd be alone.