Eighteen | H.S. |

Z A Y N

Okay.

Zayn isn't in one direction. And I think my heart shattered. Right now I have mixed feelings of; sadness, confusion, and mostly denial. I keep telling myself it's a dream or it's just management making him do this, even though I know it's not, because my mind won't except this fact that Zayn Malik has left one direction. I'm not mad at him and I'm really proud of him. and I think the decision he made is very brave.

Everyone has to grow out of something and I think that Zayn decided it was time.

I just can't imagine one direction as only four people. I have always been a Harry girl, but I have a special spot for Zayn too. I am honestly heart broken over this. I just can barely write this because my eyes are filled with tears and my mind can't take this. Madi and I are like so broken inside. Two nights ago when I found out, I didn't eat anything and I just blared one direction, and my dad was pissed at me but I didn't care.

I told my sister who is older than me and doesn't like one direction at all. I know, ew. She was like he was the most attractive.

I just can't imagine just the four boys and not Zayn. I am going to miss his solos, and the songs won't sound the same without him. I just hope he doesn't regret this decision and he is happy. Because if he is happy,im happy. I remember, I use to not like one direction until last year. But I remember watching those boys on the stairs. I still watch those video diaries and I never actually realized how much these five strangers meant to me. I though I didn't like Zayn and now that he is gone I realized that I loved him. I feel like these five boys have kept me from doing things that I would have definitely regretted. They kept me from hurting myself and they kept me from think terrible thoughts. I feel like I am a different person than I was when I didn't listen to one direction and I think it's true, they can save life's.

I love one direction and I always will. I can't even imagine what the boys are feeling, they have lost a brother. But now we have to support Zayn for his decision. We also have to support Harry, Niall, Liam, and Louis. I think I'm going to make a YouTube video on this topic so I will post it in my next chapter. All we can do now, is pray. #prayforZayn

Also the picture I put up there is like the saddest and happiest thing ever. I have no clue why I put it in there, but I know it made me lose it at school. I literally started to sob and Madi had to help me stop, because I had like five mental break downs. In broadcasting, science, lunch, gym, and after school. I feel like all I do now is cry. My school was a mess yesterday. I think this is how you figure out you are a true one direction fan. If you sobbed into your pillow last night when you heard the news and blared one direction music so loud your neighbors can hear it, that means you are a true directioner and you are NOT the only one. Because that was me yesterday, and at school. Just know you are not the only one going though this. All I know is that those boys on the stairs made me; a mess, a happy mess, and a sad mess all at the same time. I have to go, because I'm sobbing and I think my heart is in a thousand pieces. I'm listening to up all night and this is us. and I'm fucking balling my eyes out.

So let's thank the boys on the stairs for saving my life and many others. I can't even.

Also I'm NOT leaving. I just need time to mourn and get sort of over this, even though I will never be completely over this. So I will still write just not for a while, so don't think I left you or died.

-Mira😩