Your Distance

48

Scared?

Ting Shuang didn’t speak.

Subconsciously, he immediately thought of denying it.

What was there to be scared about?

But at the same time, a little something seeped out from the depths of his heart.

Just this morning, he wanted to ask Bai Changyi if he was there to beg him to move back in. But he didn’t dare do it. Because he didn’t know how Bai Changyi would answer, just like how he didn’t know what had happened to the girl just now, so he had been scared.

If that girl hadn’t had epilepsis, but was confirmed to have had food poisoning, would his fear remain?

Probably not.

Because if it had been confirmed to be food poisoning, then he probably would be too busy and anxious resolving the situation, that there wouldn’t have been time to be scared at all.

Then, if he already knew Bai Changyi’s answer, would he still be scared?

Let’s say Bai Changyi’s answer would be that he didn’t want to cohabitate….

Ting Shuang would still be scared.

Ting Shuang realised, he would still be scared.

Because he didn’t know why Bai Changyi didn’t want to cohabitate with him.

If he knew the answer to this question too…

Let’s say Bai Changyi didn’t like him enough, so he didn’t want to cohabitate with him.

Then Ting Shuang would still be afraid, because he didn’t know why Bai Changyi didn’t like him enough.

He could continue down that line of questioning even further. Was it because of his horrible personality?

This line of questioning could go on forever, as long as he still had this fear of the unknown.

As long as he didn’t want to know the answer to these questions.

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Before he got together with Bai Changyi, he wouldn’t have asked such questions in succession, and he wouldn’t have picked himself apart layer by layer.

Suddenly, Ting Shuang felt like he was looking at himself like he was a whole new being.

But he didn’t dare to continue picking himself apart, because he didn’t know what would lie under the surface.

“Ten minutes are up,” After a long time, he shifted, “I’m going to open the cafe again, otherwise the cafe would make a terrible loss.”

Bai Changyi put his wallet on the counter, “Don’t run away.”

Ting Shuang stopped moving, but he didn’t open his mouth.

Bai Changyi kept waiting patiently.

Finally, Ting Shuang said softly, “… I’m scared.”

“I know.”

“Because I don’t know… That’s why I’m scared…” Ting Shuang said, “Just like what happened just now…”

Bai Changyi kissed Ting Shuang on the lips, “You won’t be scared after knowing.”

Yes, he wouldn’t be scared after knowing.

But what if after knowing, he continued down that line of questioning? What then?

Ting Shuang looked into Bai Changyi’s eyes for a while before lowering his head again. After a while, he redirected his gaze towards Bai Changyi’s eyes. He repeated this numerous times, before finally mustering the courage to ask softly, “Do you… not want to live with me?”

He asked so carefully, as if afraid of disturbing a layer of dust.

Yet it sounded deafening.

Bai Changyi’s old heart almost shattered into powder.

His hand froze in mid-air for a long time, before gently resting on Ting Shuang’s head.

So it was that.

So Ting Shuang was afraid of that.

All of a sudden, from when Ting Shuang received that call from the new tenant, to the next two days of him being difficult and throwing tantrums, all the way until the night Bai Changyi left for a business trip after they had failed at communicating, and the empty house after he’d returned… All the pieces finally fell into place.
In retrospect, it was all too obvious.

Admittedly, Bai Changyi very rarely made mistakes, so he didn’t expect himself to make this kind of mistake.

He’d actually screw up to the point that Ting Shuang had to ask this question?

“… Could you quickly answer me?” Ting Shuang buried his head into the crook of Bai Changyi’s neck, voice low.

“I want to,” After saying so, Bai Changyi felt like just three words weren’t powerful enough, “I want to, I really want to.”

“Huh?” As if he didn’t believe those words, Ting Shuang lifted his head. His entire being seemed to glow, just like a shiny bubble under the sunlight. A bubble that would pop immediately if Bai Changyi were to take back his words.

“I said, I really want to,” Bai Changyi repeated.

Ting Shuang stood dazedly for a while, as if he was happy to the point that he didn’t know what to do. After looking sillily at Bai Changyi for a long time, he turned around and went behind the counter. He grabbed one of the biggest mugs, and made a cup of cappuccino with latte art.

It wasn’t a heart.

It was just latte art of spectacles, and three flowery letters: BAI.