TIGERLILLY- THE BRAVO BOYS [book two]

Chapter SIXTY SIX

River O'Riley

My apartment is chaotic carnage, Lovey cries relentlessly, Lijuan sings in an attempt to placate her and Nessa rushes around muttering in a sour mood looking for her missing car-keys as she gets ready to leave for work.. All of it gives me a blinding migraine and exacerbates my perpetual state of fatigue..

I strain and hold my breath to compensate for some of the pain in my broken ribs and rearranged gizzards as I turn myself over on the sofa that I have been relegated for the duration of my recovery..

I'm so fucking tired these days, all the goddamn time..

-BUZZ-BUZZ-BUZZ-BUZZ

When my phone rings on the coffee table I ignore it, closing my eyes and trying to block out the cacophony of sounds that exacerbate my every ache..

Screaming.. Singing.. Complaining.. Ringing..
It's too much.. Too fucking much..

When the phone only stops ringing to start up again I realise there is no point trying to avoid it.. Stretching out my arm I pick up the cell and press it to my ear.. "Aye?"

A sultry, unmistakable inflection greets my ear.. "River, darling! Is now a good time to talk?

I scoff at her suggestion.. "Sure Iris, now is just grand.."

"I know you're on leave so I'll keep things brief.." She chimes.. "There is a job offer that I think would be perfect for you on the way and I'd like you to consider it-"

"Are ye' firing me, mam'?" I sit up slowly, dread sinking in my stomach.. I had broken about a hundred different protocols over the last few months and the consequences couldn't catch up with me at a worse time.. I really can't afford unemployment while I'm laid up like this.. "If this is about the medical compensation, I'd be willing to drop the request.. Please, I- I need my job-"

"No! No, don't be ridiculous.." Iris discounts my concerns with a dismissive chuckle.. "Specter will cover the surgery costs and your recovery time.. River, I'm not letting you go, you're an invaluable member of Bravo.. No, this is about an unorthodox contract that only you can fill- long term.. I can't discuss it in depth just now, but do promise me you will think about it when the details arrive.."

I'll admit she's officially got my interest.. "I'll think about it- but I haven'ae been cleared to return to work for a few more months.. What's the job?"

"All I can say is it is an organisation that desperately needs somebody like you to mediate and implement some long overdue reform.."

....

In The afternoon Lijuan takes Lovey to the park and Nessa disappears to work a late shift at the downtown district hospital.. Now the apartment is silent and I am alone, medicated and hard up..

Goddamn, the quiet is so nice.. But it's also lonely..
So fucking lonely..

I never used to have the problem of feeling alone but the Wallflower's absence can be felt in the form of a constant dull ache in my chest, ever present and worse when there are no distractions around to keep my mind from wandering..

In all the weeks of surgeries, scans and beeping monitos, in between being babysat as if I were an infant myself and sleeping off heavy doses of painkillers, It's been so long since I had a clear enough head or a minute to myself.. Now, with a moment to reflect, to really stop and think, I don't entirely like the self loathing thoughts that begin to manifest in my mind..

What if this is the rest of my existence?
What if I feel this useless and depressed for the rest of my life?

Each time the doctors cut me open they seem to find a new cause for concern and the cycle starts all over again.. I just keep waiting for the day to come when they tell me they can't fix the problem and that I'm stuck this way..