Resonant

Chapter 18

Fen

"He's amazing," I sighed happily, staring up at the plain white ceiling above me with as much joy as if it held a beautiful mural.

"I still don't trust him," Luin grumbled. I glanced at him, concerned, and he smiled a bit. "I'm glad you're happy."

"Happy," I scoffed. It wasn't enough to describe how I felt after the past three weeks.

Zale and I ate dinner together every night. It was casual and could have been between two friends. It was never about romance, and had no implications of being a date. And that was kind of perfect. Between us, Zale and I had skipped a lot of steps. Me, by knowing from the start that we were soul mates. Him, with that whole betrothal debacle. It was good to get to know him better outside of all that.

Zale could be funny. I never knew. When his sarcasm wasn't wielded like a blade, it was actually hilarious.

And he could be sweet. When he noticed my fries were gone and I was stealing longing glimpses of his, he slid them onto my plate without a word. No fuss, no showing off. Just doing something he knew would make me happy.

I was getting to know my bond mate, and it was wonderful, no matter what Luin thought of him... though I did wish my best friend thought better of my... whatever Zale was.

An idea struck, so obvious yet so wonderful. How had I not done this sooner?

"Let's all have dinner together!" I said, turning to catch the grimace on Luin's face before he had time to cover it up with a smile.

"Sure," he said. He was trying to sound enthusiastic, but it was falling flat. That was okay; I was just glad he was trying to put on a nice face.

It was Thursday evening. On Thursdays, Zale and I ate an early dinner because he had a standing appointment in the evening. He had gotten uncomfortable when I asked what they were for, so I didn't ask again. Part of me worried about the secret keeping given our history, but trust was too important in relationships for me to withhold mine after one mistake. If I couldn't learn to trust him, and if he couldn't learn to honor that trust, we were doomed.

"When are we doing this?" Luin asked.

Oh, right. Dinner. "Maybe tomorrow? I'll have to check with Zale."

"Sounds good. Just let me know." Luin flicked his attention back to the TV screen and I smiled a little. He had just discovered "Planet Earth" and was enamored. I would never understand Luin's love for nature documentaries. Sure, they were good. But after enough hours, they could get a little boring.

I laid back down on the couch I was occupying and shut my eyes, happy to lounge here with my friend and the calming voice of David Attenborough in the background.

"Fen?" Luin said after a while, breaking our silence.

"Yeah?" I pushed up on my arms so I could see him, and I almost wished I hadn't. His eyes, like pools of liquid mercury, were full of concern. This couldn't be going anywhere pleasant.

"I've been thinking a lot about what you said a while back. About how you never make your own decisions."

I didn't want to talk about that. "I was just having a bad day," I said. My tone was meant to be dismissive, but it came out shaky.

Luin wasn't fooled. "You bite your lip when you're lying." I eased my lip out from between my teeth and cursed the fact he'd known me so long.

"I'm not trying to make a big deal out of this," Luin continued, "but my response when you said that has been bothering me. I dismissed your feelings when I should have just listened. When I look at you, I see my best friend who has the biggest heart I've ever known. I see someone who puts other people first, over and over, no matter what it costs him. That's so brave, Fen. But it's okay if you don't see yourself the same way."