Thoughts?

Im Sorry

I'm sorry..

I know my mind can flip the switch so easily, being happy into depressing so easily from simple thoughts or words

Yet I dont know why it does that.. it continue on replaying old words, creating scenarios that never happen.. killing itself without anyone intervention nor hurting it

I dont know why it's so obsessed with the past that it cant let go of some things, to the point that I dont want to change myself into a better person that I needed the most nowadays

I dont want..
To change..

Yet I have to, I have to cause if I cant.. I be stuck on the same place that everyone that I know already left

So afraid.. so fucking afraid that I cant make it, that if i were to change. I'm just committing a horrible sin infront of everyone that know about me

It's horrible..
Its suffocating..
Yet peaceful in the same time

Peaceful in the way as my heart and mind drown in sorrow.. my emotion overwhelmed to the point that I feel it's too much or to the point that I no longer feel it

Yet somehow

I manage to keep a straight face, gracing my lip with a smile and covering the sadness and pain that enveloped my eyes in a flash with no trace of it can be found

So easily..
Yet tiring in the same time..