SCAR TISSUE

one

i will always hate rory kessler and his big dumb hair. his constantly busted lip, his smell of cigarettes and laundry detergent, and his soft skin, hardly smile line. rory kessler did everything he could to make my life miserable and I hate him for it. i hate that i waited for him to come back around. i hate that I took over for him, taking care of the mess that he had left, and I hate that if i had the opportunity to, i'd do it all over again. rory kessler ruined me.

VENETIA KESSLER
DECEMBER 24th, 1997

i wondered if my mom ever thought about me. when she took off like that in the middle of the night taking my twin brother with her, did she think about me? did she want to bring me too, or was it easiest to just take my brother? did she know she was taking a piece of me with her when she left, even though i was still wasting away with my dad and older brother? did she know i'd hate her for it?

"we're almost there. did you want to stop anywhere first, you know, just in case?" the car smelled so strong of leather and cigarette ash. this was my brother, rory. he was seven years older than me and had a kid over half my age. he had him young, he was about fifteen, but hey, that's what young "love" does to you. that's when i told myself i wouldn't ever fall in love, i wouldn't ever make the same mistake he did. but i'm not calling aden lukas a mistake, because i love him. i just wouldn't have chosen that life path for me. aden lukas goes by both his first and middle name, it's fun to say. he doesn't go by both names by choice, my dad would always say both and it sort of stuck, calling him aden alone just doesn't sound right anymore. if it were up to him, he'd probably just be aden kessler, which would be okay with me.

"no, i just want to get there already." it was my birthday, i turned twenty. so did my twin brother, adam, but i haven't seen him since he was eight. we were born in normandy, france. rory was luckier than adam and i, since he got to live there much longer than us. i'm pretty sure aden's mom is still there, though no one has heard from her. not long after adam and i turned seven, we moved to a small neighborhood in philadelphia, pennsylvania. i finished growing up there with rory and his baby after we woke up one morning and adam and mom were nowhere to be seen.

"i wonder what he looks like, like, what if you don't even recognize him?" rory reached into the bag of chips I had sitting in my lap. he didn't like this kind, plain potato chips, but he was eating them anyway. we had been in the car for nine hours, driving in circles around the outsides of philly trying to find where he could've been living just inside campus, but rory refused to find it on a map or ask anyone for help and we only stopped for breakfast and no bathroom breaks.

"what if he doesn't recognize you?" aden lukas added. he was stretched out in the backseat drinking his third bottle of pepsi, i wasn't sure how we managed to drive plenty of hours without having to stop for him to pee. i wondered if maybe he was peeing in a bottle or something gross. i didn't want to know.

"he will, he has to." i reached behind the seat and grabbed my backpack, setting it in my lap and stuffing the chips into the big pocket. even if he didn't recognize me at first, he will, i knew it.

i knocked on the tall door that read 121 and hung my head hoping adam would be on the other side of the door. what they were right, what if it's not adam? what if it is adam but i don't recognize him so i leave with nothing but wasted time?

i was in the exact part of the building i was supposed to be in, the right hallway, the right room number, it had to be him. i listened as feet shuffled, i could tell there were multiple other people with him. maybe he was throwing a birthday party. i listened as soft footsteps made their way closer.