SCAR TISSUE

three

VENETIA KESSLER
DECEMBER 7th, 1997

"hey, wake up, sleepy head." i slid into the booth which nora was asleep in. my shift was over and i had already changed out of my uniform and into my favorite pair of lavender colored corduroys and a black sweater with small grey diamonds that ran across the chest.

"mmm, hey ven." she picked her head up and smacked her lips a few times. i dug in my pocket and pulled out two pieces of gum, sliding one across the table for her and unwrapping mine.

"time to go to school," i said in my best mom voice as i pulled my backpack on and stood back up from the booth. we closed the diner during school hours since it was technically on campus and student run, so it was empty besides us and adam who waited at the door, all huffy and puffy that we were apparently taking forever.

"any day now guys, really. we could graduate next year instead, it doesn't matter." he stared at the floor, rolling a gum wrapper that nora had balled up and thrown at him under his foot. instead of playing with it, he should've picked it up and thrown it away since that's technically his job, but adam wasn't great at his job, or at least he didn't want to seem to be.

"we're waiting on you, asshole.'' i gave a light smack to the side of his head as we walked past him in a hurry to be outside first. he shook his head, acting like it hurt, and followed us out to the car. It wasn't necessary to drive from work to our lecture hall, but then again we also drove friends around after class like chauffeurs.

class started and was going smoothly, but all i could think about was the conversation i had with adam earlier. was there a chance he liked ethan? we had never talked about his sexuality, but i knew that he's had multiple girlfriends since we started living together again back when we were twenty. he's a ladies man, that's a known fact. he always had an eye for girls, and he always treated them beyond right. but was he maybe just a lady-like man? sure, his room didn't shout "i'm a masculine man in my early twenties!" but no one ever thought twice about it. that was just him. growing up, he was equally as interested in "girly" television series and films as i was. he was one of the biggest fans of boy meets world, for fucks sake.

"hey, you alright, venetia?" daron silas turned in his seat and offered me his pepsi. that was a good way to bring me back to focus, i have had my eye on daron for weeks now, though at the time i wasn't quite sure why. i wasn't sure we had anything in common and i didn't know much about him other than that he's on the hockey team and he hangs around adam's skate group.

"no, daron." i tilted my head at him. "you said my name wrong, i am most definitely not alright." i wasn't fully lying, i said i'm not alright. that's all he needed to know. and, he did say my name wrong. that was my biggest pet peeve, when people called me ven-e-tia. i was starting to wonder if my name wasn't as simple as i had always thought.

"shoot, i'm sorry." his lips slightly puffed out and he blinked a few times. the blinks. he blinked like me. we were never positive about what had caused it, but since i was little i always had these aggressive blinks, it was an issue we never solved and it still happens more often than i'd like it to. it wasn't a conscious thing, and i didn't notice it as it was happening, but it's a big part of my appearance and it made first impressions questionable. my best bet was to act like it didn't happen, maybe they'd convince themselves that they were seeing things.

i gave half a smile and swiped the drink from him, setting it under my chair. he didn't clarify if he meant for me to have just a sip or for me to keep it for myself, so i kept it for myself. he didn't stop me. "it's okay, i get it all the time. don't worry."

"venetia?" he said it correctly this time and i nodded, smiling more. i probably looked like a fool. "so, venetia. what's bothering you?" he emphasized my name and didn't bother to hide the fact that he was proud of himself for getting it right.

"just a lot, no way to pinpoint it." i shrugged. if i don't open up right now, maybe he'll ask again later, too. i wasn't even sure what was really wrong. adam possibly being gay didn't bother me, not one bit. but if i'm being honest, whatever was wrong did stem from adam. maybe it was his non-relationship with aden lukas, or maybe it was how i woke up to him singing in the shower. maybe it started when he practiced the same song on drums for much longer than any sane person would've. maybe i need to have a conversation with him to figure it out.

"let me know if you need anything, just to talk, or something. you know, my apartment shares a wall with yours, so i'm literally right by your side." he thought for a moment before turning back around and opening his notebook, scribbling something, and tearing it out. when professor mcclain stopped talking, he handed it to me without turning around.

414-221-9837
call me whenever

i tucked it into my notebook, the one the size of a 4'6 photograph. this wasn't the notebook i used for class, it was my notebook. i kept everything in here, ranging from photos that wedged between pages, to-do lists, shitty songs i was positive i'd never show anyone, and my movie ideas. this notebook was jammed full of me, every thought i've ever had that was worth writing down, and more importantly, the ones that weren't that i wrote down anyways. it now also had daron silas's phone number.

i slid the notebook into the back pocket of my big corduroys where i kept it and picked up my backpack, stuffing it with the pepsi and and the unopened bag of m&ms which i had found on the floor. i zipped my bag up and threw it over my shoulder and got up, making my way out of the lecture hall and to the nearest bathroom.

"ven?" nora's boots clicked into the bathroom and she planted herself in front of my stall.

"uhhuh?" i opened the door leaving enough room for her to slide in with me.

"i saw you and daron, and, oh my god!" her hand clamped over her mouth as she tried to hide how excited she was. excited, why? he was only asking if everything was okay. i didn't think he meant much by it.

"oh my god," i mocked her. "keep it down, you'll get us caught." i then shushed her and offered her my cigarette. adam didn't know i had started buying my own packs a week or so ago, and it wasn't like i was hiding it from him, i just didn't want him to think it was his fault i was smoking again, though he also wasn't a part of my life when i did smoke before.

"you should, like, totally invite him out on a double date with me and ethan, we'd love that." she passed the cigarette back to me with a smile. i will forever be at least a little bit envious of nora, she had such a soft face, and a smile unlike any other. when she smiled, it was like her whole face was smiling, not just her lips. she says the same about me, but i know she's only trying to make me happy.

"yeah, i don't know about that. i don't think his motives match up with whatever you have going on up there," i gestured at her head with the cigarette before putting it back between my lips. "plus, i don't even know either of you that well."

"come on, babe, just ask. it doesn't hurt to ask. plus," she mocked. "ethan and i both love you. me especially, vee, i love you. you're cool." she looked at me with her big brown eyes which were so, so hard to say no to. i tucked a lock of thick blonde hair behind my ear and toss the cigarette in the toilet.

"you do realize that wasn't even the first time we've interacted, right?" i narrow my eyes at her. daron was the one who led me to my brother on my first day here.

"well, that was a few weeks ago, this is now. now, he's practically a brand new person you get to introduce yourself to and show him how you are as a person. be his person, and he could be your person." she elbowed my side. i rolled my eyes at her and grabbed my backpack, ready to open the stall door.

"whatever, nor. come on, cornball, let's go."