Abused, Raped, & Beaten: a cutters story

Ch 4: Meeting Simon

That fateful day when I met Simon was simply amazing. He was incredibly kind and patient with me. He was the family I had always wanted but never had. I tried to keep what had happened to me a secret. Never telling anyone and hiding it deep in my heart. It was a mistake to keep it in my heart. Every day my mom would hurt me for not doing something she "told" me to do. She would yank on my hair and throw me to the floor. Then she would yank me up by the hair and slap me and punch me and throw back on the floor. This was on my lucky days. On bad days she would kick me in the stomach and face. Whenever someone at school asked me about the bruises I would say that I was playing dodgeball. I was always scared. I didn't want to live anymore. One day I forgot about the missionaries coming over. I had left the front door and the bathroom door open. In the bathroom I took one look at myself and wrote a note. The note said:
To whom it may concern,
It wasn't your fault. If anyone to blame it is my brother, Tyler, Paul, and my mother. Especially my mother. I didn't want to be beaten anymore. I didn't want to be called a slut and other words that I shouldn't be saying. I have never even held hands with a boy. Except for handshakes from the elders. I don't want to say I hate my mother. I prefer to say I hate what she does and love her. I miss the days when I was able to be happy. I was even considering doing drugs or drinking alcohol to numb the pain but it would only make things worse. That's why I decided to take the easy way out. I have no one who loves me so I might as well dissapear. No one would notice. The only person I am scared of leaving is Elder Simon. So elder if you manage to find this, know that I love you. Thanks for being there for me. Thanks for being a big brother and protecting me. Its not your fault. I love you and I will see you on the other side.
               -With Love, Juliette.
After I wrote it down I put the note in the book of Mormon next to me. I left the book open. I turned on the hot water in the sink. I was already feeling numb. At the exact moment when I was going to drag the blade across my wrist Elder Simon walked in. I looked at him, my eyes brimming with unshed tears. He saw what I was going to do and he grabbed the blade out of my hand as I slid to the floor curling up into a little ball on my way down. He looked at me and then at the sink. He saw a corner of the note sticking out of the book. He grabbed it and read it. After he read it he put it back and laid a comforting hand on my shoulder. He squeezed it reassuringly. We just stayed there for a few minutes, Elder Davis waiting outside awkwardly. After a while Elder Simon said he had to go. He made me promise not to do it while he was there. I promised and they left. I didn't cry. I was incapable of feeling. All I could do was love Simon. I felt this weird heartache. I didn't know my life would change.