Fruit Fly

May 29, 2004

        Yesterday, at dinner, Kate told me to take Lara out with us. She really wants to see Lara which is weird. I'm not interested with "my friend" but Kate is. Then I told Kate that after my library work, I got no class. So I am fine with afternoon. But the problem is how to look for Lara to tell her about Kate's plan. Kate said, "Claire, about that Lara," while chewing her food, "can you tell her I want to see her? I want your friends to be my friends, too." I just stared at her then she adds, "I will behave. Ok, got it. I will do my best to behave and act normal. Just-"

        I laughed a little then I said, "We'll just... we'll just see about that tomorrow." Then I continued to eat.

        "Oh, yeah. Dinner... or umm... Tomorrow's the last day of my end break, you know. And on Sunday I'll have another set of Sunday class. It's the consequence of my craving for week break. You know, stuff like that."

        "Okay, I got no class after my library work so I have time to look for her and-" She interrupted me even if I'm still speaking.

        "Oh yeaah, I have an idea. Whole afternoon no class?" I nodded. "Okay, great. How about we go to the park where we used to go when we were still young? That'd be nice and sweet and... You know...” Smiling like she's been imagining the scene when we three were there already.

        "We'll see 'bout that." I am not so sure about this thing. I'm confused and nervous and excited and disappointed and whatever! This mix of emotion kills me.

        Today, I'm in the Library with Nikki. She's so noisy. It's now her seventh time to be shushed. I walked to another shelf and luckily saw Lara sitting and reading a book. I'm debating with my mind if I'll tell her now. I'm hesitating to approach her. I don't know how. I feel... scared, shy. Whatever.

        "Hey," as I walk to her, smiling, "umm... my sister asks you to go out with us later. Umm... afternoon. If it's fine with you.” She stared at me.

        "Ahh, umm.." I am so scared if she'll disapprove or whatever. I'm scared about this 'minute before answering' idea. "Sure." Another mixed emotions are now running in my veins so I didn't know how to handle it then I just smiled. Smiled like my lips were taped to my ears.

        "See you later, then. Gate, 3 o'clock?" She also smiled at me and I'm feeling like I'm going to collapse. It's my first time to be approved. Also my first time to invite. I went back to shelves again. Organizing.

        I waited at the gate for two hours after my job. Lara arrived wearing a formal dress. She's so weird but I'm now starting to be immune to it. "Thank you for coming. It will mean a lot to my sister when she sees you coming with me and with us later."

        She smiled, we started to walk, and she said, "Umm.. Why would she want to see me? I mean, why, why me? How did she know me? Have you told her about-"

        "Yeah, I told her that you're my friend and it interests her because she said that I'm a very nice picker of friends. She said that because I never really brought any one or talked about anyone at home." I can say by her emotions that she's thinking I wanted her to be my best friend. I just didn't mind.

        "Oh, really? Me, too. I feel you. I choose and examine my friends but as far as now, I haven't seen one except you. You're cool. We should be best friends." She chuckles and I started to laugh, too. She seems alienated in school and I am, too. I'm starting to like her.

        We walked in the awkward silence until we reached the park. "Claire!" as we walk to the park and Kate was waiting. She gestured saying "Is that Lara?" and I smiled and walk near.

        "Lara, this is Kate. Kate, this is Lara.” I looked at Lara's face. She seemed scared and confused. Then she ran away. I don't understand. I can't feel everything. What was happening?

        "What was that?" I can hear Kate asked me looking at Lara. She's confused, too. And As far as I can understand, I look confused either. "What-"

        The silence took the air for the whole night up to dinner to my sleep. I think we'll just talk about it tomorrow. I'll see her at her workplace.