There comes a point in our lives when all we can do is break. Even the thickest branches, when left out to bake in the sun, become brittle and weak. And when put under pressure, the only thing left for them to do is snap. I like to tell myself everything that happens within our lives serves a greater purpose. There will be some good to come out of this. We try and find ways to convince ourselves that this lie we keep repeating is true. But in reality, the truth wins out. It always does. It leaves us feeling helpless, hopeless and betrayed. Sometimes the fact of the matter is the truth isn't always what we want to hear. No, its not what we want to hear at all. But rather it is what we need to hear. Life has a way of throwing the unexpected at us. It can leave us feeling broken even shattered. There are ways of coping, ways into tricking our minds into thinking that nothing we experienced was true. what we say was just our imaginations and the emotions coursing through us were rather thoughts, we ourselves were in control of the whole time. Turning them on and off as freely as we like. But over time, even these tricks will eventually lose their hold and the truth will worm its way back inside us and root itself there. yes...It's hard to imagine a time when things will get better. But I'm getting there slowly. Even if it's through tricks and lies, I will make myself stronger because of this.
Ive never really known what it felt like to be drowning until know. I always imagined it rather terrifying, but after realizing its a losing battle to fight I actually find it rather peaceful. Even though the water blurs my vision, I can still make out my hands floating in front of me. It actually takes me a minute to realize they are connected to me because I feel as though I am no longer in control. I spot locks of my long dark hair tugging against the current and I attempt to curl my fingers into the water as if it was something to hold on to. Holding on to life. The water blocks out the shouts coming from above me. And for a moment I can feel what I take for a smile forming on my face, remembering I never really cared what the voices had to say anyway. Dark tiny specks dance across my vision as the water pulls me under knowing I will never resurface. Sure of my fate.
Corruption is exactly how I imagined drowning to feel. Helpless. Unable to fight back or even speak. It weighs you down and tosses you which ever way it choses leaving its victim no choice but to do as it tells them.
There are only a few direct thoughts I can form at this point. I make a mental note of them. Holding onto every word, hoping in some way it will remind myself of how far I have come:
My name is Josephine.
I have lied to those I loved.
The ones I love have lied to me.
I have tricked some of the wisest.
Some of the wisest have fooled me.
I have been forced to pretend.
And lastly I have been turned into something I am not.
And all for what? Serving the greater good? To help the ones I love the most by hurting them?
These white men play a dangerous game... And I was stupid enough to play it right along with them.
I was nothing more than just a piece to their game.
I was always taught that the law never likes to lose... and I was right. They didn't lose. In this case, they won. But they did lose one thing.... They lost me. Which in some strange way, I think too myself. might just be a little worse.
I form one new clear thought:
No more playing their game. Revenge is much sweeter than the glory of winning.
YOU ARE READING
The Dangers of Yellow Wildflowers
Fiction Historique"The Danger of Yellow wildflowers" is the story of a young half native american girl by the name of Josephine. Isolated from the rest of society, one afternoon while she was riding into town, a deputy is shot and killed leaving Josephine framed for...
