CRUSHED

xxi - two sides to a story

30/12/21

so crazy how you can listen to a song and remember exactly how you felt the first time you listened to it and what you were going through

anyway i love this song forever<333 

16/3/22

so sad tho bc none of my playlists hit the same anymore and i never know what i feel like listening to :(

-

"Have you talked to Alec today?" Shay shrugs, Freedom reminding him of his homebound brother. "And Scott?" Freedom asks, biting her lip at Shay's passive answers.

"I don't know, they're both being weird." 

"How long do you think they think they can hide whatever is going on between them?" Shay finally makes eye contact with Freedom. "I don't know but there doesn't seem to be much going on with them right now," Freedom snorts. She means it in a humorous way but Shay knows the situation is anything but funny. His brother has been a sulky mess for days, locking himself in his room and none of them have seen Scott lately.

"I know there's always two sides to a story but if Scott's said something to Alec to put him in this strange mood he can go fuck himself. I know they're fighting and that's their business but he better not be fucking with my baby brother. We all know Scott gets a bit defensive and mouthy when people start ignoring him, not letting him explain himself." "And we definitely know Alec loves ignoring people when he's annoyed," Freedom chuckles. "I just hope they haven't fucked everything up for themselves before they even got to figure out what they were." Shay nods in agreement, looking over at Freedom who is already staring back at him.  

Despite their willingness to give their input on other people's relationships they avoid their own like the plague.

They avoid the fact that Shay kissed Freedom a few weeks ago. They avoid the fact that he then immediately said it was a mistake which led the two to act like it never even happened. They also avoid the fact that they both know it was anything but.

"Hey Scotty. Where the fuck have you been?" Nevaeh laughs as the dark haired boy saunters into her living room. The smile immediately drops from her face when she takes in his deflated expression. 

"What's up?" She opens her arms for the boy to flop down onto the couch next to her, slipping into her embrace. The two are as close as you can get without being romantically involved. They have never seen each other like that. Instead they are each other's comfort people. 

"I'm bi," he whispers. Nevaeh's eyes widen, sidetracked by the sudden confession. "Cool?" Scott laughs quietly. Nevaeh frowns when his laughter fades into tears streaming down his face.

Nevaeh hugs him tightly, resting her cheek on his head comfortingly. Her frown deepens. She hasn't seen the boy in ages and the first thing he does is cry when he comes over. She hates seeing people she cares about cry. 

Holding him in her embrace, she silently waits for him to confide in her. 

"I fucked up. I fucked up so bad because I was scared." Nevaeh raises her eyebrows. Scott finally pulls back to lean back against the large grey sofa.

"I didn't want my parents to hate me but now I think Alec does instead. Not more than I hate myself though. God I'm so stupid. Joanna is going to have a field day with this." Nevaeh can't bring herself to laugh at Scott referring to his therapist. "Scott, Alec could never hate you. What happened?" Just then Leon walks into the room in his workout gear. 

He pauses. "What have I stumbled into?" Scott beckons the older over, needing all the moral support he can get right now. Leon lays down beside him, sandwiching Scott between the cousins. "I don't know what is going on but I am ready to listen." Scott offers him a small smile.

He tells them everything. From how a drunk kiss ended up in months of sneaking around and petty arguments. For the most of it Alec and Scott were happy. So happy. But they were never going to get past the secret element of their relationship. Alec was done hiding but Scott wasn't.

"I'm so stupid. It's all so fucking stupid. I don't know why I said any of that. I wouldn't forgive myself what the fuck." Leon rubs his arm. "Scott, Alec knows you were just self destructing. I doubt he believes anything you said. You say stupid stuff when you're angry." "He shouldn't have to understand!" Scott exclaims pushing off the couch. He's feeling claustrophobic. 

"Fuck!" The two watch Scott dissolve into a meltdown. They don't make a move to stop him because he needs to let his emotions out. If he wasn't so good at bottling them up then exploding, he wouldn't be in anger management. 

Sometimes you just need to feel what you feel.

"Guys I'm so fucking stupid. What have I done? I can't lose Alec. I can't lose Shay," Scott chokes out, curling over and resting his hands on his knees.

"I can't fucking breathe. Nev help me," Scott cries. Nevaeh blinks back her own tears at her best friend. Her and Leon pull him back up into a standing position, coddling him with their warmth. "Scotty you're okay, breathe. You're okay, we're here. You are not going to lose anyone," she whispers into his hair. The boy grips onto their arms, sobbing into Leon's chest.

"I'm such a fuck up. My parents will probably hate me. They'll start preaching about sending me to hell Nev. I can't do this." Leon runs his hand through Scott's hair, planting a kiss. "No one hates you. We love you and your parents love you. You are not a fuck up." Nevaeh nods in agreement. "And who cares about hell, we'll be joining you there either way. You can't get rid of us that easy." Scott manages to choke out a laugh at Nevaeh's words. 

"We love you so much. You just have to apologise to Alec and talk to Shay. If Alec doesn't forgive you easily, that is also okay. And Shay will not cut you off that easy." Scott blinks at Nevaeh's words, calming down.

"Everything will be fine. Even if everyone in the world turns against you, you will always have us. Your favourite cousins." Leon smiles widely. Scott smiles back. 

"Now let's take a nap. I'm really tired after all that," Nevaeh mumbles with a yawn.

Scott rolls his eyes, laughing nevertheless.

-

2/4/22

how are we four months into the year already wtf