In Need

CHAPTER 12

Before falling asleep, Harry had decided he wouldn't be going back to his quarters come Saturday morning. Severus needed him, and his absence the last two days had taught him, the hard way, how his actions affected him. It was a sobering thought, to think that Severus's wellbeing was now in his hands, more than ever. He needed to do better.

It wasn't surprising at all that, by the time Severus woke up, he had sunk lower into headspace and was completely non-verbal. It raised Harry's concerns, but mostly he understood.

He had been repressing his Little urges for weeks. Harry's absence for two days, along with their discussion the night before, had finally broken Severus's defenses. He simply had no other choice. Severus Snape was no longer the stoic professor, the snarky bat of the dungeons, not even the talented Potions Master. That man had disappeared, leaving only a small boy who needed to feel safe in his caregiver's arms.

Yes, a Saturday of being little and relaxing would work wonders for Severus. Or so Harry thought.

What he didn't imagine was that Severus would turn into a wailing, cranky and unhappy infant.

Harry woke up disoriented when he heard sad whimpering close to him, and something that didn't allow him to breathe crushing down his chest. He opened one eye, not surprised to see Severus hiding his face on his chest, almost all his body on top of him. Soft, muffled whimpers were coming out, as though he was trying to silence them.

"Hey... what's wrong, buddy?" Harry whispered, his hand going to Severus's hair to fondle it.

When Severus realized Harry was awake he pressed himself further against his chest, and let out a pitiful sob. Harry padded his bum and noticed the nappy he'd transfigured last night was wet. That was probably why he was crying, he was cold and uncomfortable.

But when Harry tried to move to get to his wand and summon the nappies, Severus's sobs grew in volume. His hand gripped his nightclothes tighter and almost laid down on top of him, not allowing him to move.

"Baby, it's okay..." Harry tried to assuage him "I just want the nappies to change you, you'll see you'll feel better..."

He placed one of his hands on top of Severus's to try and release his grip on his clothes, but Severus didn't relent. He laid there, his face hidden, his hands grabbing his clothes with desperation and need.

The sobs felt like daggers stabbing his heart, and he felt powerless, his own frustration rising. But he also knew that even if it hurt, even if Severus's howls were twisting something in his chest, he had to take all the pain out. Crying and sobbing was a way of healing, and he would feel better on the other side.

But that didn't mean Harry could withstand Severus's suffering without at least trying to ease the pain. He had never imagined he could hold so much heartbreak inside of him, and he hated to know he'd spent years, decades like this and nobody had seen it.

Well, nevermore.

"Shhh, it's okay, Sev..." Harry whispered, leaning down and placing a soft kiss on the top of his head "you're safe... you're safe..."

He repeated those words again and again, as if he was saying a mantra. Then he rolled them around so Severus was laying on his back so he could try to look at his face.

But it was impossible, Severus's pull was strong, and he hid against his clothes. Defeated, Harry laid down next to him and allowed the boy to hide against his chest, his arms wrapped around him.

It took him a while until Harry could finally move enough to reach and grab the wand on the nightstand. For a split second, he thought of summoning the nappies and changing him by hand, but the mere thought of undressing him made Harry cringe inside. Now that he knew why he despised nappy changes, he hated the idea. And he was upset enough as it was.