Sunflowers and Four leaf clovers

Toni

There's something about the whole "eyes lock across a crowded room" trope that I hate. I don't mean to blow my own horn when I say this but I've had a pretty shitty life. Makes sense that fate isn't really my thing right? It isn't the most shocking thing about me.

I believe nothings controlled. Nothing's meant to be. Life isn't some poetic, romantic movie where everything falls into place.
Because life is shit.
Like really shit.

Here I am, living in yet another house, with yet another random couple, except this time I had to move across America to be in Texas.
Everything about everything is terrible. No family I stayed with in my life has stuck and I don't care. I've been moving from zip code to zip code over Minnesota. So what's so great about the life I left behind? Why do I hate Texas so much? Great question.

Simple. Martha-or Marty. My best friend, sister. The person who kept me alive. Who is still in Minnesota, with a family that I love and a family that I wish was mine, well they are my family. But not the kind that I can live with, who could have raised me since I was a child, filling my life with love, focusing on me, me and Marty. But I didn't get that.

So really its getting kinda hard to see the good in the world. The fate and the fortune and the love at first fucking sight.

And yet here I am, in the canteen on my first day of school. And I can't break eye contact with a pair of eyes. I have no idea who it is, I have no idea who any of it is. Without moving my eyes all I can see is perfect blonde hair and a denim jacket. But even 3 tables across I can see the piercing green. Her eyes are like, bright, and perfect. And happy.

And I don't mean to be overdramatic but for a fleeting moment I swear fate and fortune are real. Her eyes remind me of four leaf clovers. The one thing I remember about my father was that four leaf clover t-shirt he used to wear. There's a photo in my wallet of 4 year old me wrapped up in it.

It brings me luck to have it with me before a game.

Those eyes staring back at me offers me lifetimes of luck in just 10 seconds.

Before a large arm wraps around her shoulder causing both girls to jump back to reality.

I follow the arm to the face of some brute looking guy. Wearing a varsity jacket. What the fuck kinda place is this? 2009 Ohio? Get a grip man.

The blonde girl quickly looks down at her food and plays with it before smiling up at the guy and laughing at something he says.

I realise I've been standing by the food area holding my tray for a solid amount of time. So I walk over to a table with with the girl I was sat next to in bio class. She's surrounded by her friends so I breathe in shakily trying to muster up some confidence. "Hey Fatin, can I sit with you?"

I stand over them awkwardly, offering a weak smile.

"Damn girl are you in pain?"

"No- what? I'm just smiling."

"Oh. Kinda looks like you're wincing." 

My smile fades and I stay standing- wishing I was dead instead.

"Well whatever, c'mon girly, join us."

Letting out a sigh of relief I take the space that Fatin shimmied out of the way for at the end of the bench.

"Guys this is Toni, she's new, you're gonna love her, apparently at her last school she threw piss at somebody!"

I wipe my hands on my knees as I put down my tray down in an attempt to remove the anxious clamminess before I dig in, "It was for a good cause,"

"No way dude, that's wild shit,"

"Toni, Dot- Dot, Toni."

Fatin then carelessly points around the table, "That's Leah, Rachel and Nora."

The other three give me awkward smiles causing me to start stressing,

Shit I'm intruding, I should've just eaten alone.

Fatin interrupts my thoughts.

"Alright, ladies, gaydies and maybies." In turn she looks at Nora, Leah, Dot and finally resting her eyes on Rachel. "My parents are at some kind of trip this Friday night, so you know what that means?" Smiles grow on everybody's faces, "It's time for a fun little get to know sesh with Toni, and don't worry my sweet dumplings, alcohol will be very much involved." 
She pauses for dramatic effect. "Whose in?"

"Alcohol? Yeah I'm down." Dot gives a nod.

"Sure, we've survived an entire 4 hours of this shitshow, I think we deserve a break," Leahs offers in a somewhat jokey tone but she just sounds scared.

"Toni?"

"Huh"

"Alcohol, gossip, Friday, night. You in or not?"

"I mean, yeah, yeah for sure. Where?"

"Give me your number I'll send you the deets."

"I don't know if I can guys,"

"Oh come on Rachel why not, what will you be doing instead? booty call?"

"On Saturday I have a swimming g-"

"Nope, you have a drinking night, come onnn Rach, live a little please, for meee, for us, for nora?" Fating pleads, her eyes blinking quickly as she pouts her lips.

Rachel stares at her unimpressed but quickly lets her head drop, "fine, fine I'll come," she rolls her neck as Fatin celebrates.

"Fuck yeahh, this is gonna be great," suddenly she throws her arm over my shoulder taking me by surprise, 

"Shit," I mumble.

"This is gonna be great, you're gonna love it Toni, you're gonna love us!"

Fatin keeps her arm around me as the conversation picks up around the table again. Completely spacing myself from the conversation I find myself searching the room for the girl. I don't mean to, it's just kind of, hypnotising.

My eyes move around and I quickly skip back to somebody. It's her again. She's staring right at me. How long has she been doing that for? I don't offer her a smile. All I can do is look into her eyes.

Her lucky eyes.