THE START OF SOMETHING NEW💍 (Five x y/n)

FOURTEEN!

Y/N's pov:

You walk through the front door to see Five gulping down a mug of water.

"Y/n is Allison ok? Why are you covered in blood" Luther asks but you ignore him and walk off. "Y/n what did you do"
"I didn't do anything I just was helping a friend" You say as you walk to the bathroom and try get the blood of your clothes.
"Uh, ok.. five what- you ok?" Luther asks with a frown.
Five gasps as he stops drinking. "I'm gonna need to be hydrated."
"Hydrated?"
Five picks up baby powder and puts it down his armpits and his..yk.
"What's with the baby powder?" You asks as you come out the bathroom and grab a towel.
"It will help with the itching" Five says whilst pulling his trousers up.
"What itching? There's itching? What the hell is going on here?" Luther freezes for a moment. "You do have a plan."
Five exhales sharply and jumps around to spread the baby powder. "Well, it's a desperation move, but.. since our brain-dead siblings are incapable of meeting a simple deadline, I got no choice."
"No choice about what?" Luther follows him around the room.
"I have to find myself" Five says whilst putting his blazer around his shoulder and taking out his watch. "I just arrived in DALLAS 15 minutes ago."
"Should I be worried?"
You sigh. "Jesus Luther you really aren't that smart. If you recall Five was sent to 1963 on a job by the commission to make sure the president was assassinated."
"Oh wait so five's old self is out there?" Luther asks getting on the same page.
"Precisely" Five exhales.
"What just walking around Dallas?"
"Walking around Dallas with a briefcase that can get us all home"
"Oh my gosh Five your a genies" Luther says putting his hands together and you smirk.
"However there are two significant problems with this plan. Problem number one: I'm a trained assassin, arguably the most dangerous assassin in the space-time continuum. If I know me I'm not going to react kindly to bumping into myself. Problem number two, and this is the real flu I'm the ointment here: you're not supposed to exist close proximity to yourself in the same timeline. The side effects can be disastrous."
"Side effects? What sort of side effects?"
"Y/n would you explain?"
"Absolutely. Well, according to the commission handbook chapter 27, subsection 3b, the seven stages in paradox psychosis are.. stage one: denial, stage two: itching, stage three: extreme thirst and urination, stage four: excessive gas, stage five: acute paranoia, stage six: uncontrolled perspiration and seven: homocidal rage." Y/n explains.
"Homocidal rage?" Luther questions.
"Yeah"
"Jeez, I don't know. Maybe this isn't such a good idea."
"It's a hall mary. But what choice we got, Luther?" Five paces up and down.
"I don't know you already seem a bit squirrelly if I'm being honest."
"Look, Luther. I'm gonna need you to help me get through this one, all rights. I.. I need a spotter."
"A spotter?"
"Yeah.."
"But why me? Why can't y/n do it?"
"We'll have you seen her? She is also stuck in her 13 year old body."
"Ok well.. what is that? Like a wingman?"
"In case the paradox pyschosis gets too severe, I need you to help me stay on task, all right? So whatever happens, whatever I say, we need to get that briefcase. Have you got that y/n?" Five looks over to you.
"Yep" You say with a thumbs up.
"Ok let's go then" Five says as he walks off itching his head. "Luther come on!"

-

Me, Five and Luther arrive at the a pub where five said he would expect himself to be. As we walk in we all look around for the familiar face.
"Well there I am!" Five says whilst hiding behind a wall.
"Why don't we just grab the briefcase and run?" Luther asks.
"Are you stupid? As five said he is a trained assassin and knowing him if we attempted to take it he would slit our throats." You mutter.
"She has a point, I would never let that happen" Five answers back to Luther. "We're trained to guard these briefcases with our lives."
"Right"
"Plus, it's the inherent paradox where this gets tricky. I'm in danger with my existence just being in my room with myself." Five explains.
"Wh- What do you mean?"
"Luther, try to keep up. If old me doesn't travel back to 2019 like he's supposed to, the whole thing unravels itself. I cease to exist. You got me?"
"I get you.." Luther says still not understanding.
"Well we can't let that happen! I don't know what I would do if he didn't exist so we need to get that asshole to do what he is supposed to" You spit.
"Our best chance is to talk with him, to reason with him."
"Ah.." Luther understands.
"He will get it. Trust me.. I know myself better than uh better than I know myself." Five says as he scratches his neck.
"You just itched your neck! That's stage two of paradox psychosis." Luther points his finger.
"No I didn't, I didn't itch my neck."
"Denial is stage one"
"I am fine, ok! Let's stay in tasks, shall we?" Five goes to walk over better Luther grabs his arm.
"Wait! Maybe me and y/n should go first."
"What why?" You ask crossing your arms.
"Well, you'll freak him out. Bumping into your own tiny doppelgänger? He will lose his shit. Just let us break the ice." Luther explains and you both walk over to him.
"Five.." You mumble and he looks up at you both.
"What did you call me?" Old five asks biting his lip.
"It's me. Number one?" Luther takes over.
Old five drops his pen and looks at Luther. "Luther.." He mumbles in disbelief. "How did you..?"
"It's ok. Everything is fine I can explain but first, I need to introduce you to somebody. Just.. promise me you won't freak out."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Uh! Don't freak out. No freak-outs. All right" Luther looks over at young Five signalling for him to come out and Five slowly walks out nervously. They both look at each other in shock.
"Hey there stranger" Five manages to get his words out.

"Well.. this is nice, isn't it?" Luther sighs. "The four of us, together like this."
"No" Both five's say in unison.
"Somebody explain to me how it is I'm having a pint of Guinness with my younger self." Older five asks.
"Older actually, I'm you just 14 days older" Five corrects.
"I have a public hair smarter than you. How is that possible?" Old five spits.
"I can explain." Five says. "You see, one hour from now, on the grassy knoll, before the president is killed, you break your contract with the commission. I already know your thinking about it. All those years in the apocalypse, we never stopped worrying about our family. Well today, you are going to do something about it. Today you are going to attempt to time travel with forward to 2019, however your going to screw up the jump and end up in this twip of body. Trapped forever, small, pubescent."
"Ok!" Old five says as he farts. "Even if i was to believe you, what am I supposed to do about it, not jump?"
"No no I need you to jump. If you don't jump, I cease to exist. What I need from you is to jump correctly."
"I'm listening.."
"The first time through, I got the calculation wrong. That's how I ended up in this body but no I know the correct calculation."
"What is it?" Old five whispers.
"I'll be glad to tell you... I'm exchange for that briefcase you're holding under the table." Five says as he stares at himself in the eye and smirks a little.
"Yeah, yeah, so you go back to 2019 as planned, but this time with the right math, so you remain a full-brown man. In exchange, we get that briefcase that you no longer need." Luther explains.
"Timeline restored, paradox resolved. Everyone goes on existing happily ever after." Five adds on.
"That's quite a bit to take in" Old five sighs.
"What do you think?" Five picks his nails.
Old five nods slowly and you sit up hoping he would say yes.
"I think... I need to piss" Old five says as he picks up the briefcase and goes to the bathroom. You fall back into your chair as your hopes get CRUSHED.
"Oh.. we'll, besides the flop sweat, I think that went pretty well, am I right?" Luther says as he wipes five's sweat gently away.
"No, no, there's something.. something doesn't feel right about this."
"Wait what do you mean?" You sit up in your chair.
"I don't trust him" He points at his old self and looks at you.
"But he's you" You say confused.
"Exactly."
Luther gets up and walks towards the bathroom.

Luther's pov:

As I walked into the bathroom old Five was looking at a eyeball.
"Huh yeah that's a waste of time.. trust me" I say as I walk up to the toilet.
"Then why we're you holding it when I found you dead in the apocalypse?" Old five questions.
"No idea. But the guy it belonged to didn't end the world. Vanya did." I splutter.
"Timid little Vanya?"
"Yep. Is more powerful than all of us put together. Turns out, she was pissed about the way we treated her when we were kids.. so she destroyed the moon and ended the world." I explains as I pee in the toilet.
"Huh. Fair enough.. this is perfect." Old five says as he turns around to face me. "We now know exactly what's gonna happen."
"Yeah, except it, uh, already did."
"Don't think just listen. Now forget about the little jerk-off's plan. It's way too complicated. A much butter plan is for us to travel to 2019, all we have to do is make nice with Vanya, stop her from destroying the world. Easy-Peasy."
"Hmm" I think. "Well, that's actually-"
"That's not bad, right?"
"But what about Five and y/n? I mean you? I mean.. the uh, young you."
"Those little lions aren't either me or y/n. That's uh prepubescent photocopy that got botched in the time jump. Besides it's too late for them anyway."
"Too late?"
Old five scratches his neck. "Paradox psychosis? Best thing we can do is put him out of his misery"
"What? You're... you're saying to kill him?"
"You're thinking about this all wrong Luther, we're not killing anybody! Look at me I'm five, and I will still be alive. All we are doing is getting rid of a mutant doppelgänger. Amputating a vestigial nipple." Old five grabs the brief case and goes to leave but Luther grabs his arm.
"Wait.. are you sure you don't have paradox psychosis?"
"I've never felt any better in my life" Old five walks in back to five.
"We good?" Y/n asks looking at us both.
"We're good" I say.
"We got a deal" Old five says causing you to smile. "We gotta hurry, Kennedy is on route. Less than an hour until showtime"
"Why are you so anxious to get going all of a sudden?" Five asks standing up.
"Relax.. you're getting paranoid" Old five scoffs.
"Oh am I?" Five asks as they both fart at the same time. You use your shirt to cover your nose and stand up ready to go.
"Ok let's roll" Luther says as he walks off and old five follows him and you and five walk together away from them.

Word count: 1978