The Beauty Within

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***WARNING***
This chapter as well as future chapters will have strong language, subtle references to emotional and mental abuse, as well as self degrading and possible self harm instances. Also no smut in this chapter but future chapters will basically be pwp. Thank you for reading! Any and all feed back is appreciated (but please don't be rude or hurtful) (pic credit to @nixakimbo)

*beep* *beep*beep* *beep*
    The alarm annoyingly wakes you up after FINALLY falling asleep for what feels like 2 minutes after a long night of tossing and turning. Without opening your eyes you turn off the alarm on your phone and through half open tired eyes you look at the time, 4:30 am.

    "Well, time to carpe some diem I guess." you whisper to yourself while throwing your warm cozy blanket off and being greeted with the cold air from your darkened room. You sit up and turn on the lamp that's sitting on your nightstand and squint as the light floods your small room. You sit there for a minute still groggy and debating with yourself about getting 5 more minutes of sleep but then your bladder decides for you. As you shuffle out of your room and into the bathroom you fix your sleeping tank top and shorts. Your mind starts reminding you of how you used to be a size 4 and didn't have to worry about fixing your tank top and shorts every time you woke up. After using the restroom you decide to shower to wash away your thoughts and think about the good things: your kids, your new job that you start today, your new start on life after leaving your mentally and emotionally abusive ex. The hot water feels so good on your skin as you wash yourself with your rose scented soap and wash your hair. You turn off the water and grab a towel from the rack mounted on the wall and make a mental note to buy bigger towels when you notice the towel didn't cover you completely. You look down at your tummy and heavy sigh, "I wish you would go away" you tell your stomach fat while walking to your room. You open your closet and think to yourself about what to wear. "Maybe I should dress professional since it's my first day...although they did say business casual," you say out loud to no one. You finally decide on black slacks, your favorite white t-shirt that read 'never tell me the odds' (as a nod to your favorite movie, Star Wars) and a black cardigan to bring it together. You pair it with your favorite necklace and look at the time, 5:25 am. "Shit! We are gonna be late!" 

You quickly walk to your son's room and open the door, his dog Milo looks up at you from the foot of his bed, "Chase! It's time to wake up, come on pal, we have to get ready for school" you call out as you go to his closet and pull out his uniform, school and socks. You look over and see his little sleepy face and bed head, 'dammit he looks so much like his dad' you say in your mind. As your 9 year old Autistic child wakes up you go through your morning routine; a big stretch, he shuffles over to you and says "good morning momma," and you give him his hug and tightly squeeze so he can start the day with good stimulation. "Good morning baba," you respond to him as you bend to kiss him on top head, " time to get up and ready for school papi." He rubs the sleep out of his eyes and passes you to the bathroom so he can shower and get ready. "Come on Milo" you tell his Jack Russell Terrier as you pat your leg and walk out of his room with Milo close behind you. You walk back into your living room and open the door to let out the dog and then walking back toward the rooms you whisper to yourself, "one down, two to go."

You open the door to your daughters (7&6) shared room, "Amy, Grace, time to get up my darlings," you walk over to their beds and give them kisses and pat their backs, "hurry up we are going to be late" you call over your shoulder as you go to their closet and get their uniforms and shoes like you did for their brother. They slowly get up and go to their  bathroom to wash up and shower. While they had their normal 'I'm gonna shower first' argument you hear a scratch at your door and go to let the dog in. From there the rest of the morning was like clock work, make the lunches, get their hair brushed and styled then out the door by 6 am to make it to their bus stop. "This would be so much easier if you had stayed with him, who cares if his words hurt you, he at least helped the morning routine," you thought.