seasons

introduction

it was winter, way in the past by now. i hadn't even known you back then. i was lucky, i had nothing to lose. i was with someone else. he was lovely, even though he broke my heart. you always said you were nothing like him, you said you would never break my heart. but i wouldn't be writing this if you hadn't broke my heart, so i guess instead of making a promise of it, you just said it. although the snow was cold, i felt warm in the place where i felt i belong.

it was spring, and my heart was torn into a million little pieces. he had broken my heart slightly more because of his words, and what makes me laugh is i thought that was what hurt the most. a heartbreak from him compared to you was pathetic, yours was much more stronger, more painful, while his made me feel numb, the way where i was too empty to feel anything. although the nature was coming to life that season, i wasn't.

it was summer, and i was so numb i got back with him. i still regret it to this day. i regret even writing about him, but since he made up half of my year, he needed to be included and compared to. the sun was shining, and so were we. summer went by like a breeze, and it was the most amazing time of my life, and i was so happy. then the ending came, and of course, he broke my heart again, but for the last time. although the sun was shining bright, i don't think i was very bright for falling in love with him.

it was fall, and this is my favorite part of all. it started with a new broken heart, but by the same person. then i had met you, you seemed to be the good person in this, you repaired my broken heart and made me forget all about him. i find it very ironic that in the fall, we had fell in love. i swore i was the most happiest person alive. i loved you so much, and i still do. it's different now but back then, it was my favorite time of when i loved you. although everything was dying, i swear we were alive.

it was winter again, and i guess we took a while to die. the first half of winter was the same as fall, we were just falling and falling in love. i obviously caught you, thinking you were going to catch me. but i guess we died with everything else, except you were able to make it out okay and alive. but for myself, i crashed, i crashed so hard. i fell in love with everything i have ever wanted and more. you aren't just everything i have ever wanted, you are my everything. but for you, i guess things were different. and i'm still trying to find out how to deal with that. although everything was dead, including myself, you were still alive and you seemed to be alright.

it's spring again. it looks like you found another girl to fall in love with. she's much more perfect than me, and almost as perfect as you. i see you two doing the same things we used to do. she treats you so right, and it hurts. i actually fell in love with you and i've crashed and lying here injured. maybe too injured to heal on my own. will you please save me? i just need you. i need you one last time. i just want you. i swear i won't crash too hard. i love you, you're my fucking everything. it's almost as if you're just standing there watching me struggle while i'm dying for you. i don't know why only you can save me. you never are. i can't heal myself. don't let me fucking die like this.

although everything is blossoming, even you two, i'm drowning, crashing, hurting, waiting for you to save me. i want to shine bright like the summer. the cold is caving in in the spring and it feels like the coldness of your empty heart. i fucking love you, can't you see that? but you love her, and although it hurts, i can't change that.