to my best friend, my first real love and my everything.

my regrets.

Hi reader, I hope you are well! Shall we get into this chapter? well lets go!!

I regret a lot when it comes to love, I'm autistic and one of the things I struggle with are emotions. Falling in love is one of the most confusing feelings ever because its joy, anxiety, fear, euphoria as well as sadness mixed into one which is terrifying. I always would go talk to my love about "love" problems only now as an adult to realise that it wasn't love problems it was just emotion problems. I regret not knowing sooner because I was so late to telling my love how I truly felt towards him and it sucked. 

I always talked about him to my family, always tried to find his favourite flowers, websites where he could find stuff he liked and could afford. he was just always on my mind no matter what i did. I later told him but due to personal reason we could never even try. so i accepted reality and decided if I can't love him forever and be that old couple that still has picnics and make homemade lemonade for the kids in summer then I will make sure he finds the one who will be that with him. yes I regret a lot but with regrets came more adventures for us to conquer and more happy memories to look upon as each year passes. 

I never really knew what love was until my love came into my life, I'd have sleepless nights just talking to him and just making sure he was okay. we would often rant and vent to each other because of how safe we felt and that was rare for me. I just never wanted to loose that and I still haven't (thankfully).

I just hope he knows that yes I have regrets but i still had him by my side in the end and I'll always get through if i know he is the person cheering me on.