Kitt
Since my life had turned into a relentless bore, I had been reading a lot of books and hyper analysing them in my head. Not to mention, the addition of little sleep and functioning off an obscure concoction of drugs delivered to me by Chris, life had suddenly become something notable.
I resembled something of a mad man these days, unwashed, unchanged, locked away in my bedroom experimenting with drugs and studying unbelievably insane essays about life. I'd always wondered what it was like to watch Steven King in his element, high as fuck on cocaine, 52 hours without sleep, conjuring the most eclectic novel of the decade. But it wasn't as glamorous as I'd imagined. The days became a blur, I stopped eating and I had almost forgotten what the sun looked like. It went on like this for a while, until I woke from a dissociative state in the middle of a therapy session with Claudine. I was buzzing on Chris' ADHD meds, a tab of acid and god knows what else, and ended up vomiting down my front and all over the floor "unprovoked." She'd said, rather concerned.
After that, the drug experimentation was heavily addressed and so the obsession with books and poetry officially arose. I started off with the ones I had seen on Tess' bookshelf and let the manic spiral take me from there. I'd never been one to read, but it was interesting to see what insights they might give me on Tess. In this time, I learnt a lot about myself.
You see, the terrifying thing about romantic novels, movies and poetry is that their depictions about love are quite rational and conceivable. You're probably thinking this is an utterly ludicrous perspective, have you even read Romeo and Juliet? Or any romantic tale in the last ten years? I understand your sentiment. However, I truely believe they're not as unrealistic and cliche as they seem. If you think about it, there's two common factors in any idyllic fairytale love story. The first, their characters undying, amorous fondness of one another. A force so powerful it cannot be diluted. Their love is the kind that can move mountains, spark ambition for life itself and cause you to buckle at the knees. I always wondered to myself, why wouldn't that work out? If after all, their love was this incredible, unstoppable necessity there would be nothing that could spoil it right? Well, it brings me to point number two, their downfall. I think it emerges from the idea of star-crossed lovers and the malevolent external forces that claw its way into human destiny. Just two people driven apart by the world around them. It strives to repel them, destroying any traces of love and pushes them into an eternal heartache. But you see, it wasn't their love that thawed or changed. I guess a love so powerful does exist it's just our mundane world that is it's poison, kryptonite to your Superman if you will. And with this perspective all laid out, I guess you could see that finding a love like Romeo and Juliet would be pointless, because the pain and disappointment you feel when the world takes it all away from you would be unbearable. Somewhere over the generations of literature and life, it has become easier not to love at all. And I think that's what we have all been doing on our little planet. Everyone is so encapsulated by our everyday life, busy caught up in media, technology and politics that we forget how to love. And yet on the off change we find something to replicate it, we either shy away or pretend to take the leap. Realistically, no one is really in love anymore. They just think they are. If you believe books and movies are all fantasy and fairytale bullshit, you're only committing to a false love. A phoney faux kinda love that fools you for only so long. That's when people start to emotionally check out of a relationship, cheat, get a divorce or drink. It's all bullshit these days. No one loves like they use to, but somehow they hate ten times worse. So, I guess you're thinking, if I choose to find love, how do I make it real Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare kinda love? Well, you can't. But what you can do to heal that wound is take the love you get as a lesson. A sort of spiritual message if you will. Listen to what the world offers you, understand that you are not capable of finding real love, but you can at least build yourself up and have teachable yet enjoying experiences so life doesn't seem so meaningless.
YOU ARE READING
Forget Me Not
Teen Fiction"Do you trust me?" He asked. And at that moment, everything else disappeared. I looked at the beautiful boy in front of me, whom I'd never really spoken too until tonight; the boy that made me feel so embarrassed I wanted to disappear, the boy that...
