What did I do?

Chapter three

The next day, Shoyo could finally say that the sickness had left him. Thank God.

Therefore, he could go to practice and see the team! There was school to go through first, of course, and even with his lack of intelligence, he didn't really care.

He was aching to feel the ball on his fingertips and nothing could kill that excitement.

Except maybe one thing.

The fact that the team was acting weird. Out of the ordinary, some might say.

It's not like he can just go up to them and just ask what's wrong, either! His anxiety says it's a big no.

So, he's left feeling like somethings wrong the whole time. Not a pleasant feeling but definitely not the worst.

They'll get over it come the next day. It's probably not even happening, now that he thinks about it! His mind is just bullying him again and he should stop creating bad scenarios.

Nothing's wrong. Absolutely nothing.

Everything will be fine tomorrow...

Except it isn't!

Now that a week has passed and nothing has improved, dare he say it got even worse, he can confirm it's really happening.

They hate him!

He's sure of it!

He's overreacting again, he bets, but what is he supposed to do when the people he considers his second family are starting to ignore him! Act like he didn't notice?

That's probably a good idea, but he's scared since he doesn't know what happened to make them distance themselves. He needs context so he can start worrying properly!

Did they find out his mother doesn't love him and decided that if he isn't worth motherly love, than who is he to have friends?

Or, or, how he picked up smoking as a habit for a year or two? He swears he doesn't do it anymore! He knows it's bad, that it can destroy his lungs and than it's goodbye sports. Do they think he won't be good enough to play because of it? God no!

Even worse is if they know he used to be a cutter(still is, but not so frequently so it doesn't count)! They're probably disgusted if that's the reason. He doesn't think of them as someone who'd shame a person for it, but he has been wrong in the past before.

He can't be sure and the only way to find out is to ask them.

But he can't fucking ask them! He's never had enough courage to commit to a method of suicide before, so how can he go up to them and say guys, I'd really like to know what I did and how can I fix it because if this keeps on going I'm sure the Ibuprofen bottle will be quick to go down my throat. He'll destroy the image he created of a happy dude quicker than the flow of blood down his arms.

And trust him, that's a lot faster than some would think. He has firsthand experience.

So he's left feeling horribly. Out of place. An outsider among commoners.

The thing that is going on with the team is awaking habits that should rather stay asleep.

(There's a new blade in his bedside drawer. The old one had rust on it.

There's also some bruises here and there from hitting himself.)

He loves the team, he swears he does, but he thinks they don't know the impact they had and still have on him. It may be his attachment issues talking, but they are one of the few things that keep him going. Them, Natsu and volleyball.

He forever owes them his life, but he isn't feeling too happy that they are draining him mentally right now.

Do they even realize they are hurting him, or is it some unconscious fucked up thing the human mind makes them do?

Is it their intention to hurt him? It might as well be with the way they act.

He'll confront them once he is fully capable of having a fight without a mental breakdown, but until then, he shall continue to suffer.

(He's alone. He had forgotten once he joined them, but he'll always be alone.

It was stupid to think otherwise. They had never been his friends. They are teammates on the court, strangers outside of it.

Nothing more, nothing less. At least he hopes so, as he doesn't think he could ever be something worse and still smile.

But it's better to be lonely than to have fake friends, right?

He'll keep pretending, anyways. Make them think he's oblivious.

Keep them thinking he hasn't noticed the glares full of hate. The way the sets don't come as often to him anymore.

Make them think that he hasn't seen them hang out without him, being happy.

How did it change so quickly? Was one or two weeks all it took for the friendship to fall apart? Was it that unstable?

He doesn't know and it's best if he'll never find out.

Oblivion is a gift. He has a wish that it would take over every single part of him. But it's just that.

A wish.

He hates being lonely.)

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I am sorry if the chapters are kind of short. They are easier to write and they come out quicker and more often this way. I may unite them once more come out, to kill the ads.

But I hope you enjoyed. I'd also like if somebody would tell me if my writing style is confusing. I'm used to writing and reading stuff like this, but I'm willing to change it up a bit if you want. I'm writing for both myself and the people who read this. I can also add an explanation at the end, just say the word.

See y'all next chapter!