His Outlaw

Chapter 4

As they made their way to the clocktower Ali could sense her mentor was closed off, even more so than usual, something was wrong. She could feel it.

"Are you okay?," she asks softly.

"What?"

"I asked if you're okay."

"I'm, I'm fine. I just...I'm okay. I just need to just...stop and think and breathe. Just for a second," he pauses.

"I just...I've never...I've never been in the clocktower before," he explains.

"You haven't?"

"No, I haven't. It's just...Batman and the others don't...," he sighs.

"They don't think that I'm stable enough to go into the clock tower. It's just a load of...," he takes in a large breath trying to calm himself down.

"I mean, why? Why does Batgirl get to go in there hm? Why does she get to practically live in there? And Red Robin? He gets to do anything that he wants to the clock tower, just to build up defenses," he huffs.

"Most I've ever gotten to do and there was patched up in the medical bay. And even then they had to sedate me. They had to drug me. They had to knock me out, just so that they could bring me in like I wasn't one of them. I mean...I've got the bat on my chest too. Doesn't that mean anything? Doesn't that mean anything to anybody? Why is their way so much better than mine? I don't think it is," his voice cracks, breaking Ali's heart at the reality of the the Batfamily's tumultuous -to say the least- relationship with him. 

Sure his methods were more intense and he didn't abide by the Batman rule, but it was clear that he still cared for all of them deeply, even if he didn't want to give off that impression. How could they seemingly throw someone out like that? Ali didn't understand what he could've done other than the rule that would've made them treat him like this.

"Do you? After everything that we've done so far do you really think that my way is not the best way?," he questions, she could hear the need for approval in his voice.

"I think that it might be slightly flawed, but-" before she could continue to say that it is an effective method he cuts her off.

"I mean, yeah. Okay, fine. Yes. It does have its flaws. And yeah," he lets out another huff, this one far less anger filled.

"Maybe some of the people that I kill don't deserve death. But if you're going to take on someone like the Joker you, you've got to play by his rules. It's the only way to win."

"Is it?" she questions, it seemed as though, despite any interpersonal relationship issues, that the Batfamily did have a decent hold on the city, at least, most of the time.

"Do you think Batman is actually winning? Look at the city. I mean, really look at it. Does it look like he's winning anything? No. No, The Joker has this place in the palm of his hands and-," he lets out a slight breath.

"Br-...I mean Batman he's just...falling down a rabbit hole, a rabbit hole that was constructed by The Joker for him."

She knows at this point to not question it, to just let him monologue, let him get that raw emotion out of his system.

"Why play by his games? Why?," he questions, taking another moment to pause and try to breathe.

"Why not just...take the fight to him finally? It's not like he can't take him. He's had several opportunities to kill The Joker. And yet he didn't. He didn't even after to the Joker...," he trails off getting extremely choked up, Ali is sure he's trying to fight back tears.