Riley's Excellent and Not-at-all Fake Exorcism Service

Chapter 8

Shit is Crazy . . . So for Now, Let's Just Drink . . . Deal?

An unconscious priest in the trunk . . . sounded like the punch line to a bad joke. But nope, for me, that was just another Monday, apparently. Because there I was, driving in a Lambo with a demon, a passed-out priest in the boot of the car, fifteen minutes away from my apartment. Honestly, I should have been in full panic mode. But I was surprisingly calm.

Maybe it was the comfortable seats, the smooth drive or the cool night air that seeped through the small crack in the windows. Or the fact that despite being a demon, Thomas was a very studious driver.

"You're sure he's not gonna die back there?" I asked as I looked through the rearview mirror toward the trunk.

"Nah," Thomas said dismissively. "There's plenty of air, and besides, he's still unconscious. Won't be awake for at least another hour."

"You sure?"

"Trust me," he winked, as I crossed my arms. "We demons have a way of knowing these things."

"Riiiiiight," I grumbled, looking out of the window, feeling his eyes on me for a second, then turning back to the road. "So . . . is Thomas your real name?"

"Why do you ask?" I saw him smiling in my peripheral and instantly regretted my question.

"Well, it's not a very . . . demonic name."

"Yes, I suppose it's not," he said, chuckling. "Thomas is the name of the man this body belongs to. We tend to go by the names of the bodies we acquire."

"How come?"

"It's just better that way," he answered simply.

"Is it?" I glanced at him. "I would find it confusing to have to change my name all the time."

"You get used to it," he said, still smirking at me. "Besides, we can't exactly go around telling everyone our true names. That would end badly for us."

"Why?"

"Our names are powerful," he said after a moment. "If people know them, they could . . . make us go away."

"Oh." I touched my finger to my chin, thinking. "And how does that work exactly?"

"Well . . ." He glanced at me, then smirked. "When our true names are spoken, we have to obey the orders of the speaker. No matter what they ask, we must comply."

"So, if I knew your true name, I could command you to leave the body you're in right now? And you would have to do it?"

"That is correct."

"Okay, so you know all the other demons at Lilith's Gardens real names, right? Including Mr. Beelze?"

"Yes, I do," he cooed.

"Would . . . you tell me their names?"

"Nope," he said, casting me a wink. "But nice try."

"How about the names of the two that got my in-laws?" I figured it couldn't hurt to ask.

"Riley, I really can't," he replied in a sorrowful tone, like he actually felt bad or something. "That kind of goes against our code."

"Well, we can't go against demon code, I guess," I said, flashing him a small smile. "How about your name then? Can you tell me that? You know . . . just in case I want to make you go away?"

He laughed. "I would, Riley, but I'm worried you'd make me leave right this very second."

"I would at least wait till we got back to my apartment..." I was cracking jokes with a demon – what was happening to my life?