The Bastard Girl (The Bastard Girl Series, Book #1)

Chapter 22~ What you love; What you lose

Chapter 22~ What you love; What you lose

It was high time that I leave the home of a ship—any ship, since I'd lived in so many. Each one was just a reminder of how far away I was from the earth. Solid, stable earth. Where life was sure to be less chaotic than this. No part of my confrontation with my father resulted in any good. My father was disowned from my compassion and no longer reached out to me. Edmund was emotionally distant, feeling betrayed by how quickly I'd returned to the comfort of my father. And I understood it. My father and Edmund Hemingway would never see eye to eye. And I'd abandoned Edmund back there, leaving him behind like he meant nothing to me.

Now, I'd experienced a great deal of difficult days, but nothing else came this close. All I knew was that I needed to make things right. And quickly.

No one but the main crew of The Fancy knew where we were being taken. And no one but I had the liberty of asking. For the time being, we were crowded in tight but clean, quarters below deck. It was obvious that the crew's mannerisms had changed since three years ago. The day was filled with hours of murder, rape, and torture. Luckily, neither Edmund nor I were harmed. A first.

But, that kind of pain and suffering was welcoming compared to the coldness coming from the Cabin Boy. There he was, sitting next to me with his head flat against the wall and deep in thought, he couldn't have been more of a stranger to me. So, I would hold his hand, desperate for forgiveness and pity. He'd let it remain, just like a corpse whose lifelessness was the only thing keeping it there.

"Edmund," I whimpered.

His only response was a tired sigh as he stared forward.

"Edmund, I know what I did was wrong. And cruel. I don't know what came over me. I swore him off. In my mind, I had cast him from my life and my feelings forever. But, I haven't seen my father in three years—"

"We know. You've been singing the damn story for months," Edmund grumbled under his breath.

I paused but refused to let his anger affect me.

"Yes. Something just changed in me. I wanted to believe those things I said so badly. But, they were never true. And I should've known it from the beginning. But you...you are the last person I'd want to hurt. Do you remember when you told me that, Edmund? Do you?"

Nothing.

"You were right. I guess some things I just forced myself to learn the hard way. And now," I took a shaky, wet breath, "I don't know how to come back from this. From any of it. And merely apologizing won't be enough."

Part of me hoped for some reaction, something to let me know that I wasn't completely despised. But, he remained as stone-faced as when I began.

I took his hand in both of mine and kissed the back of it, letting my lips linger and brush over the skin. It felt like a lifetime of silence between us. Finally, his fingers slowly curled over mine and held on ever so gently.

"I love you, Edmund."

He took another sigh. I watched the air deflate from his chest. He turned his face away from me.

"I know. And now, you have to save us."

**********

Reaching my father's quarters was not an easy task. The crew was suspicious of me as it was. Every man there seemed insulted at my very presence. But I knew why. I was my father's weakness—perhaps his only weakness anymore. What I wanted was obvious, so I eventually got past the vicious men. This was one of the rare times that I had not an ounce of fear in my body. He was at my will, after all. And my father, no matter how many terrifying disguises he wore, was weak.