no strings attached - rafe cameron

chapter eleven.

I woke up the next morning feeling confused as to where I was. I completely forgot I stayed overnight at John B's house and as I felt an arm secure itself around my waist, I looked behind me to see JJ sound asleep. 

The sun was in the midst of rising for the day, which told me that it was fairly early in the morning and that I only got a few hours of sleep. I sighed to myself, feeling exhausted from the lack of sleep I had gotten. As I thought about how I ended up here, I remembered the series of events that occurred the night before.

Though Rafe and I barely started our relationship and I had yet to get anything from him, I was done with him. I was going to cut him off. I didn't need to get into anymore trouble with him. The way he acted last night was uncalled for.

I gently lifted JJ's arm off of my torso and quietly got up from the bed, trying not to wake him. I hooked my backpack over my shoulder before I exited the room, quietly closing the door behind me. I walked through the living room and saw Pope passed out on the couch. I snuck past him to the front door that was right next to the couch and I managed to get out of there as quietly as possible. 

As I stepped outside, I felt the warmth of the sun already engulf me. I could tell it was going to be a hot and sunny day.

I walked off of the property onto one of the main roads, trying to collect my thoughts and figure out what I was going to do. My head felt so clustered, the thoughts that were brewing in my mind made me feel like everything was my fault. I hated that these thoughts returned. I decided to go to one of the places where I felt the most peace, the beach. Luckily, I had a pre-rolled joint with me, along with some coke, so I had a way of helping myself with these thoughts. 

I got to the beach and I was able to catch the tail-end of the sunrise. I loved sunrises and sunsets. Everyday they were so beautiful, yet so different than the one before. The calming, soothing colors that mixed into the blue sky, especially over the ocean. The instant warmth that I felt whenever I saw the sky. Nothing brought me more peace.

When I lived in San Diego, one of my favorite things to do was go to the beach right before sunset and sit there admiring the beauty in front of me as I watched the sun go down. The ocean waves crashing before me, the seagulls flying in the distance, the orange and yellow, sometimes pink, colors soon fading into a light blue and eventually a midnight sky. I loved sunsets.

Now that I lived on the east coast, I would be able to catch the sunrises above the ocean. I wasn't a morning person whatsoever, but I'd do anything to feel a sense of peace.

I removed the t-shirt that I was wearing before laying it on the sand. I sat on the shirt and took my backpack off, placing it in my lap. I dug through my backpack before I found the two different substances I had. I debated on which one I should use, before ultimately landing on the joint. I felt like my high lasted longer with weed.

I placed the joint between my lips and sparked my lighter at the tip, lighting the joint. I inhaled and held my breath, letting the smoke linger through my lungs. I exhaled slowly, releasing the smoke.

I looked out into the distance of the never ending ocean, seeming amazed at how large it was. There was so much out in the ocean, there was so much out in the world, and yet here I was, feeling guilty about fucking everything up. I wanted to leave so badly. Though my dad and I just moved to the Outer Banks, I wanted to leave and get a fresh start somewhere else, without my dad. I wanted to explore the world, see things that I hear about on tv. I'd love to have the chance to start over by myself.

The more that I sat here, the more that I realized how badly I was messing up my life. I came here for a fresh start and I was already messing it up by getting myself involved with Rafe. Though I was insanely attracted to him, I couldn't let myself screw up anymore with him. After the way he acted last night, I was done with him. I hated him.