So, You're a Fucking Virgin

Chapter 1

Jody Mills was tough as nails and you respected the shit out of her. So, when you and the boys got a call from the sheriff, you knew there must have been some serious shit going down.

You and the boys packed up and headed north to Sioux Falls, a place you hadn't seen much of since Bobby had passed. Meeting Jody outside the Sheriff's Department, she greeted you all with big hugs. She marveled over your new haircut and gave Sam crap over his lack of one.

Then it was down to business. Apparently, a whole slew of people had gone missing from a neighboring town. 4 to be exact. And the last one, someone saw the perp lift a fucking SUV to get to the vic. So, eschewing the idea that the perp was on bath salts, this definitely fell into your territory.

The only connection between the missing people was that they were all members of the same church. So, off to Good Faith Church you went to "get your church on" as Dean so succinctly put it.

You posed as prospective congregants. As you were given the ten cent tour of Good Faith Sam did the usual line of questioning like "oh we heard some people had gone missing." Totally not suspicious at all. Not a weird thing to ask. Bonnie, your tour leader, tried to assuage your supposed fear by assuring you that the church was more secure than ever.

Dean dug deeper. "What a relief. You must have been close to them?"

Bonnie covered for her pathetic attempt at seeming to care for the missing persons by saying "Well, we do share the A.P.U. bond."
You jumped on the lead. "A.P.U?"

"Our chastity group..."Abstinence Purifies Us" Bonnie answered.

Oh boy. Some of those fucking people. you thought.

"Could we sit on the group?" Sam asked.

"I'm sorry it's only for members." she contended.

"Then count us in." Sam assured her.

"Well. I'll be a squirrel in a skirt. I'll be back in a jiff with the papers." Thinking she had bagged another three for the god crew she leapt up from her desk.

"Squirrel in a skirt. What the fuck?" you mumbled to Sam and Dean after Bonnie had cleared the room.

"So, with the virgins, what are we thinking? Dragons?" Dean guessed out loud.

"What about virgins makes you think dragons? I thought dragons were about gold. Smaug's all about gold." you asked.

"Smaug's not real." Dean retorted.

"Dragons are real, apparently." you countered.

Sam explained "Dragons abduct virgins."

Oh fuck. you began to panic, internally.

You'd been running with the Brothers Winchester for a bit, but you were hardly a veteran to their antics. You guys knew quite a bit about each other, but you each still held your secrets. There were still surprises. Like the fact that Dean had read every single Kurt Vonnegut book. Or that Sam, who had spent hundreds of years experiencing the worst Hell had to offer, was deathly afraid of clowns.

Then there was your little secret. You'd never really meant it to be a secret, but sometimes things just don't get said. And they keep not getting said. And then pretty soon, there's a fundamental fact, the people closest to you just don't know.

Bonnie returned with your paperwork handing the three of you clipboards.

Reading, you found that the paperwork basically, consisted of a purity pledge. Welp, that'd be an easy one for you.

"Purity Pledge?" Sam questioned.

"It's a commitment to your virginity." Churchy McChurchwoman answered.

"I don't think we can really un-ring that bell.You know what I mean? Eh. Eh. Eh." Dean elbowed you and smiled over at you trying to loop you into his derision. You half smiled and nodded along.

Bonnie was taken aback as she responded with something about asking god for forgiveness, making a new vow of chastity and becoming a born again virgin. Jesus Christ, the church must really have needed some new blood.
The proceedings concluded with Bonnie stating "Congratulations Sam, Dean and _____. You are all virgins."

Oh god. This is the worst. you thought.