FORCED

IX

taehyung's pov

same time, different day. i just woke up but i'm already wondering if jeongguk is already feeling okay. should i go and check him in his room? i decided to get up and go check if jeongguk is feeling well. i was walking to his room when i heard giggles (sounds familiar isn't it?) i decided to knock and not contemplate like last time. 

"jeon, are you awake?" i said outside of the door, too scared to open it cause i know i'm not ready for whatever i'm about to witness. 

"come in." jeongguk answered. i put my hand on the doorknob but my insides are shaking from the nervousness that i'm feeling right now. i know i said that i've been hurt by jeongguk many times and that nothing he could do will hurt me anymore but my heart still can't take it. 

i can't... it will break me if jeongguk did bring that woman inside our house, willingly let her into OUR bedroom when i have to hear insults everyday just to so i can sleep inside the room, when i need to swallow my pride cause jeongguk places a pillow between us so that i would not be able to touch him when he's asleep. i really can't... i didn't noticed that my tears were already flowing down my face until i felt something wet in my face. my knees went weak and i started to wept. i cried loudly. i don't know if it's because i've been bottling my feelings, or is it because i'm angry, scared, nervous, i don't know, what i just know right now is that i want to cry as loud as i can. i want release all of the feelings that i could feel inside me at the moment. i hugged my knees while i'm crying on the floor outside of jeongguk's room. i don't know if he could notice or is just plainly ignoring me. i wiped my tears when i heard that jeongguk's room is being opened.

"kim taehyung, what are you doing?" he asked. clearly looking confused as why i'm sitting on the floor. i wiped my tears again and tried to stand up using the wall as a support. 

"uhm, nothing, just looking if the floor is clean." i said as an excuse.

"why are you crying then? we can clearly hear you crying from the outside of the room." he interrogated.

"uhhh, my head, yeah, my head is aching while looking at the floor so that's why i cried. it hurts so bad, maybe i should just go and rest." i said not looking at him and attempting to walk away and go back to my room. jeongguk grabbed my arm to stop me and say,

"if it made you cry that hard just for a mere headache then maybe you should go and consult a doctor." he demanded. crossing his arms in the process. 

"n-no, i'm just being, you know, over dramatic and annoying again haha." i replied avoiding eye contact at all cost since i knew that i will give in and tell him the truth once i look into his eyes. 

"look at me and tell me why are you crying, kim taehyung." he challenged me. why is he doing this? why does he care? i looked at his forehead and told him,

"it's because my head is aching." i repeated. 

"again, no person will cry like that just for a mere headache taehyung." he also repeated. 

"why do you care?! huh?!" i suddenly snapped, breathing heavily.

"why are you doing all of this, jeon?! why are you starting to care now? i told you to stop doing this kind of things cause it will hurt me! you really don't understand my feelings for you, huh? i love you so much jeongguk, so much that if you show me even just a little bit of care i will hope again and will tell myself again that i can make you fall inlove with me which i clearly couldn't. please let me move on. i've already sacrificed almost ten years of my life loving you and it did nothing but cause me pain throughout all these years so please just continue being the real you and just don't acknowledge my existence again." i shouted, letting it all go while sobbing.

"why am i crying? because of trauma. i heard giggles inside your room, jeon. and it brought me back to the first time that i saw you in your room with jieun. i'm crying because i'm scared that i will have to live that experience again. it hurt so much the first time so i don't know what i will do if i have to witness it again for a second time and in our bedroom our of all the places. it hurt me just imagining it so i don't know how much it will damage me if i can confirm that it's true. so please just let me go back inside my room if jieun is really inside our bedroom." i added, wiping my tears again. is there gonna be a time where i will live without hurting? i thought. 

"taehyung..."he uttered quietly like he doesn't know what to say. that's all he needed to say to let me know the truth. 

"fuck you jeon jeongguk, fuck you for doing this to me." i muttered then ran towards my room again. 

>>

i've been crying for the past few hours that my head is aching now, truly this time. i've heard jeongguk's car pull out of the driveway moments after our conversation. i decided to call dad (jeongguk's) and ask him if jeongguk already processed the divorce.

"hello my taetae." he greeted me.

"hello dad." i replied, voice hoarse from all the crying that i did.

"why is your voice like that, taetae?" he asked, voice sounding worried.

"uhm, just a little bit of sick, dad. nothing to worry about though." i said. thank goodness he can't see me. 

"really? did jeongguk stay at your house to take care of you?" 

"uhm, he really wanted to but i told him to go in the office as they really needed him there today." i lied as an excuse. 

"you don't have to worry dad, i'm already feeling better." i assured him.

"alright. as long as you're okay. what makes you call me today?" he queried.

"uhm, uhh dad, about the thing that you mentioned that last time that you have called me, did jeongguk spoke to you about divorce?" i asked.

"oh." that's all he muttered.

"no worries dad, just tell me the truth i promise i'm okay." i said.

"yes, he asked me- no he told me that he'll be processing your divorce but he said that a while ago though. and he didn't talked to me about that topic again so i thought that he completely forgot about it. why tae? are you having some problems with him?" dad explained.

"no, it's just that i  suddenlty remembered that you mentioned it to me so just curious you know." i said. i'm so sorry for lying, dad.

"you sure?" he asked.

"yes. we're okay he actually wanted to bring me to the doctor today but i refused since he needed to go to the office." i added.

"alright. then it's good to know that you're both okay now." dad said.

"thanks dad. that's all i needed to ask and i'm sure you're busy so i'll call you again next time, okay?" i said. we both greeted each other goodbye as i finally pressed the end call button. 

i wonder who jeongguk talked to to process the divorce? i will be needing some information from that person so that i could prepare myself for the worse. with that thought, i decided to go into his room to find any info about that person.